I Am Me Once More

Here we go again!

2011-11-24T16:59:00.001+08:00

Well...Life has been a roller-coaster as of lately.

WHY? Well, the idiot is back ruining my life. Now he has help with his scandal/gf/flavour-of-the-month.

Oh well, who cares!

*middle fingers up for u and u!*

2011-09-15T09:31:00.000+08:00

“Warmest Greetings from XXXXXX!”

Yes, that’s how I usually start my work emails and phone greetings nowadays. There’s lots of things to learn at work. Plus with my senior colleague leaving, I would have to share the work responsibilities with my Boss. Sounds horrific but I’m up for the challenge. Guess I’ll be doing a-bit of sales after all. Oh well, life goes on :P

My daily routine for now is home, work, lunch, work, home, sleep...over and over again. I’ll probably need to go out more. The reason for being a lazy bum/couch potato at home this month is mainly to family duties at home (Raya, open houses – mine’s and others) and also the budget restraint I’m having due to my August salary not given in time. So my August salary would go into my account this month – end of September instead.

So this month, I’m getting double my salary *grins*

But still thankful coz I managed to give Mak Ayah money, paid my car and bills, duit raya for the brats....enough for my daily work expenses.

Always be thankful. I’ve learned from hardship before. Thank god, life is getting better.

Colleagues are nice here..most of them are older but they’re fun/friendly. I’ve been getting used to being called “Kakak” by the younger colleagues. Finally reached that stage in life where I’m hardly being called “Adik”. Hopefully I don’t look too old..*cringes* - wait...*smiles instead*...Me no want wrinkles on me face!

Enough of work.

Back to work now. Tata peeps....

2011-09-05T16:31:00.002+08:00

Ramadhan was the month of forgiveness and forgetting :)

It also brought me closer to someone and God. Syukur for that.
One major setback was my salary wasn't able to be processed for the month of August. So I celebrated Raya without any $$$.

Boss did give me some pocket money; but it's only enough to pay some bills, my car loan, duit raya for my parents/nephews/nieces. Now I'm surviving with only RM400..which should or MUST last me until end of Sept.

So Sept, I'll be gaining double pay. Oh joy then...sadness now..

Nothing to be sad really; I'm managing well without extra $$$. Praise to God :D

As of work, today is my first day after 1 week of Raya Holidays. Lots of emails to reply, bookings to process and etc...

Overall, life is being very kind to me. Alhamdulliah...

27...

2011-08-09T11:49:00.002+08:00

Why 27?

Well, I'm that old now....

Unbelievable right? Yeah, believe it. I can still remember the Sha (or Shari back then) screaming, hopping, gossiping; doing all the useless (yet FUN) teenage habits.

In July (yes, I know I'm late in blogging), I'm one year older...I'm newly employed with a new employer...I've faced my past (though defeated but I've learnt that it was for the best). As usual with any of my new entries, I'm again single.

This time, I'm no longer sobbing my eyes out..cursing the guy's name or even, cutting my hair. This alone shows how mature I've became. So what if I'm single!! I have my work, my family and friends. Beat that, EX!

I'm blessed...that's good enough for me :)

Emo..

2011-05-04T14:50:00.002+08:00

Probably PMSing...but I miss you :(

Dear heart, please listen to brain. It's hormones talking here...if not, I'm screwed. The last time I felt this way after a break up was with Yoges. Trying to keep myself busy with work and friends/family. Should just delete his number from my phone. To avoid any stupid sms being sent :P

Decision made and happy with it

2011-03-13T10:58:00.003+08:00

Its March already! OMG, time flies...

I've made a big decision last month by saying NO to my job contract renewal at the Magazine Place. I'm now with an ecommerce business. Its been good so far, only a week there but things has been good. Colleagues are around my age so lots to talk about. Boss is also nice, really young but super cool.

What does my new job revolve around? Designer items, hotels, spa and all things luxurious. Still in the sales line but I love the environment of the company. My business card is so cool...will upload a pic of it later. Super excited about work nowadays which is a very good sign. I know that I've been job-hopping a lot but my "rezeki" is always good so I'm thankful for that.

Other than that, my financial situation is getting better. I have now 2 "burden" more to go...yippee..

THANKFUL for everything!

1 Month

2011-01-21T16:25:00.000+08:00

It’s exactly one month since we’ve been together. And nothing changed.
It just got better. I’m happier in this relationship; comparing it to the others. Thumbs up from my family so far; since they know I’m no longer crying, eyes swollen, losing weight and other depressing condition.

Hanging out more with the girls especially Cik Zura. My Penang trip with her would be awesome; Hard Rock Penang here we come!
On the family front, it’s been as normal as it can be. On the work front, the contract is hopefully being renewed (fingers crossed).

By end of January, one of my “burdens” will be gone. Thank god; really glad that it’s getting lesser now. The pest has been ym-ing/texting me lately but no longer do I feel the sense of anger. Even I don’t feel that annoyed by him anymore. It is best to let karma deal with these type of people.

Overall, life has been very kind to me lately. Syukur for everything. That’s about it for now.

Happy 1st month Anniversary Benny. I love u ;)

Good Ending for 2010. Awesome start to 2011

2011-01-05T15:15:00.000+08:00

My first post for 2011.

As usual, this blog owner likes to neglect her blog. Until there is something worth blogging about. Now there is something 

About a friend who turned into my boyfriend.

I never realised how and when it happened actually. The most important thing is that it did happen. Ben happened 

I can only pinpoint that we were and are always close. I mean, I call him up whenever I have issues. He tells me things too. He’s the only guy besides my exes/brothers/father who has ever heard me cry; even if it’s only over the phone. It happened like 2 or 3 months back when he broke up with his then-girlfriend. She had lots of admirers and somehow one of her admirers added me on Facebook. I didn’t know about that when I approved his friend request. This guy started commenting on my wall and sending me DMs. I was surprised when he told me about Ben’s cheating ways but I told him that Ben is a good friend of mine and I refuse to listen to only one side of the story.

When the guy was being funnier than usual, I decided to delete him from my friends’ list. This happened over one weekend.

Next thing I know, a friend of me and Ben’s called. She said that guy posted my details (phone number, where I worked – the building only and my full name). I was shocked. He used my details taken from my Facebook account. I was angry and upset. I immediately called Ben and told him everything. He told me the real story about what happened between him and the ex. I thought it ended there because no one, I mean no insane guys called me after my details were posted online.

That Sunday, I took a nap. Then suddenly, an unknown number kept calling me non-stop. I texted that person asking who but no reply. Then finally I answered. It was the ex’s aunty who called to scold me for no reason. Apparently I somehow managed to ruin the girl’s life. I have no idea what stories were made up about me and the aunty was badly misinformed about the WHOLE situation. She demanded me to tell the truth and all. But I couldn’t because I knew nothing about nothing. Finally I just hang up the phone but the aunty kept on messaging me with threats of my sins in the afterlife. Really, I know how to behave properly ok….I have good parents who taught me well about my religion, good values and good morals.

I called Ben again. Yes, I call him for every major issue. I just realized this fact about 2 days ago.
I was sobbing till I couldn’t breathe. It was that bad. I hate people who point fingers at me. I didn’t even do anything wrong. He calmed me down and he kept saying sorry for putting me into that situation unwillingly. I didn’t blame him for it anyway because he wasn’t the one who said things about me. Then, we texted each other. This is how it REALLY started.

We met each other more during lunch hours. Our offices are within walking distance from each other. So we would have lunch sometimes and other times, I ate with the girls or just by myself. We began to text almost every minute. He asked me out twice over FB. I thought it was just for fun; and I think is was. But we didn’t manage to go out.

The next lunch, he paid. That’s the moment I began to notice something different about him. Yeah, I found him nice when we were still friends. Yeah, I was abit jealous when he had the ex. Yeah; I was pissed when the ex treated him badly. But I thought the feelings were of the friendly nature. I was so wrong…..

That weekend, he was away. Back to his hometown, Ipoh. When he was on his way there, I just called to ask if he reached safely. Yes, I was worried but I didn’t realise at that time. He was still on the road and he said of course he would text me when he reached. We continued to text; but not as often when he was around. I understood that he was with family and I didn’t think much of it. But I have to admit that I miss his smses. We just continued to text like mad. He told me things about feelings, past relationships and stuff. I did the same. It just grew from there. From close friends.

Then if not mistaken, we were talking about relationships and what about us. Then it happened. From a joke of he asking if wanna give it a try (something like that - I can’t really remember for certain) but next thing, we started to call each other mushy names and planning our first date for the next weekend. This was just before Christmas 2010. We had lunch together before that and it was funny because our friends saw us before and they thought we were already a couple when in reality, we weren’t. We seriously were just close friends.

The first date was at The Curve. Lunch and movie. Both were very giggly and excited. Thanks B for a great day. For the first time on a date, I wasn’t super-nervous or awkward. I just felt SAFE and relaxed whenever he’s around. I don’t have to ponder on silly matters like whether I look like an idiot in this or that. He’s really talkative so that made it easier because I tend to keep quite sometimes. Overall, he’s my opposite when I’m not in my crazy and bouncy moods. The next date was on a Monday. He was on leave and I took half day. Went to Midvalley for lunch and just spending time together.

A friend of ours, JJ was around the mall so we called him up for drinks. That’s the first time anyone saw us as a couple. As in holding hands, calling each other by nicknames and etc. He even re-introduced me as his girlfriend. JJ was like “yeah, I knew it for weeks” but we were barely 2 weeks or so. The rest is pretty much the same like any other relationships.

The most important for me is he knows what ACTUALLY happened between me and the infamous EX of mine. Not only he knows the usual story; he knows the REAL truth of why I’m so messed up in life due the EX. No one knows the truth except for my immediate family and Aizura. So, I know he’s special because I don’t open myself out for anyone. I’m open to friends but certain parts of me are only meant for my loved ones. And he’s now included in that short list 

I pray that everything goes well. We made a promise to each other. To always work on our relationship no matter what happens. I truly trust him and he does the same towards me.

My 2010 ended with a nice gift from GOD. A close friend turned into my boyfriend.
My 2011 began with a friendship grew stronger. It blossomed into a relationship.

We’ll see how it goes. I believe that our friendship is the strong basis for our relationship. That isn’t something we get and able to find too often in life.

I love you, Benny. From your Sha-Sha.

awake....

2010-11-04T05:44:00.001+08:00

Why am I awake so early? Because of a dream...or is it a nightmare.

In the dream, I was doing usual things. Going out, lunch n dinner with friends, etc...but at every scene, there would be a little boy looking at me. Its abit creepy, dont you think so too?

On another topic, I've decided to stop hoping. Will always have that feeling but not hoping. Guys are all the same. I have baggage too but I've learnt to work through it.

Not saying my baggage is worse but surviving from being almost broke, lied to, disrespected, lost family's trust, losing friends and many more..and moving on from all that. Thats called moving on with life.

I might sulk or whine about it but I deserve it. End of it all, I know who to count on and Sha isn't weak to handle things. Proud to know that.

Its not being pressure by family or the society. I just miss having a relationship. I was good at it despite the moron that I was dating. I love being single but I miss being the girlfriend. Thank god, I have nephews and nieces. They fill up my time. Overall, I just miss that. Things I used to do like surprising bf with a home cooked meal, making the scrapbook, being super-nice to the parents or family, those kind of things.

I hope that one day, someone would see the good in me instead of seeing the drama and chaos that moron left me with.....

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.4

Work & work...

2010-10-28T14:42:00.001+08:00

Hectic week. Work has been crazy. Deadlines, missing contracts, incorrect figures, imbalance accounts. I can’t wait for the weekend; so I can take a break from all of it. This week, work has been my top priority. So, I deserve a good pampering session over the weekend.

On the personal side, nothing at all. Finally. Idiot has gone away *syukur sangat*
On financial side, better now. Happier because of it. Finally in control of everything.

Lesson learnt in both.

As I always say, we don’t need someone to make us happy. We can and should make ourselves HAPPY FIRST. The other person just makes us HAPPIER with their presence.

Sad to say, I’m giving up on that department. If even the next guy comes along, he better be a damn good one coz it will take a miracle to have someone “sweep” me off my feet again. I’m more guarded hence; I have lots of baggage/stories to tell.

That guy would need to know and accept my past. It’s not something I tell to anyone. The only person who really knows is Zura. Others know here and there. I don’t like or feel comfortable talking about it coz it’s something that took a lot for me to handle before. If the person I’m with asks, I would tell and I won’t care if he takes it or not.

The lesson I learnt for the past 3 years is that I can and would always be kind to others but they might not be so kind to me. End of the day: You have your family and friends. Best of all, you have yourself.

Oh yes, still deciding whether to “walk/run” for the Walk for Hunger in Putrajaya. Doing alone seems weird but it’s for a good cause. I could have a write-up on it as well. Hmm…decisions, decisions…

Grateful

2010-10-25T13:11:00.002+08:00

I don't complain anymore about money matters.

Life is so much more than that. "Susah sekarang, agar masa depan lebih cerah..."
Don't complain about things. Take it as a challenge.

If one complains "No money" or "Life sucks" even if one has so much to be grateful for, then I believe that God will make one's life really sucks.
Setiap perkataan yang keluar dari mulut atau hati kita, ia adalah doa atau hajat. So, choose your words/thoughts wisely before you utter and think of them.

Rezeki walaupun sedikit, tetap rezeki. Asalkan ianya halal.

2010-10-25T09:14:00.002+08:00

Feeling more at peace now. Its amazing how every time Idiot messes up my life; new and better opportunities comes my way. I don't find the troubles or problems that I'm facing now as a burden.

Just think it as me, one of the lucky people to have her faith tested over and over. I'm glad that I'm closer to Allah, to my family and my friends. I don't take them for granted anymore. That's the most I like about my life now.

Just think of it as a way to grow myself more. If I could go through those things in the past alone, I'm sure that with the support I'm getting now, it will be just another phase or hurdle for me to overcome.

I know that I was too quick to judge or make conclusions on the other person. For that, I'm sorry. I understood your situation but somehow, "darah muda" got in the way.

Overall, I'm smiling again as usual..and I think the smile will be there for awhile now..if not, permanent :)

Stronger in some ways...

2010-08-24T12:15:00.000+08:00

Wow, it’s been that long since I’ve updated this blog.

Lots of things happened.

I’m back into the media line; slightly different from my first job but I take it as a learning process. I’ll grow from this experience. The work is set on my own pace; since my editorial team is in Singapore. I report directly to the editor who has been very helpful from my first day of work. The good thing about this job is that no direct pressure from anyone. I’ll be away in Singapore soon; for training and meet-up with my SG team.

On the personal front, the door has been slammed shut. We broke up AGAIN. This time, it’s for real. Yes, I know I have said it over and over and over again. But this time, I can’t take it anymore. I’m 26 years old; it’s about time to take a hold on life and focus on more serious things. I understand now why my family disliked us getting back together and why I’m not my usual self when he’s in my life. To say I’m not sad, that would be lying.

Yes, I do feel the hurt and pain of ending a relationship. But it is more sadness towards why did I take him back and why I wasted my time, money and effort to be with someone who didn’t care about me. Why it took so long to make me see his flaws. Alhamdulillah I see it all now….

Thank you to several friends in Uptown 5, my friend in Taylor’s and my family who has been supportive of my decision to let that part of my life go. I appreciate everything you all did for me. The words of encouragement, the hugs, the kisses and much more. Thank you.

I pray that I’ll stay strong. I pray that my life will be the same like 4 years ago; before I was with him. I pray that my future is bright.

Please pray for me to be better in life. I’m trying very hard on my part but without friends and family, I could just break down and cry. Thank you again.

Updates

2010-05-22T12:54:00.000+08:00

Okok. I've been neglecting blogging. Here's some photos to update about my life:

I left for another job. I'm now senior exec at a mobile solutions/content provider. I'm moving up so I'm happy as I'm able to do what I love. Meeting people, going for meetings and learning about new tech, products and so on. Work has been good so far.

Family has been a battlefield. Lots of downs lately but I'm keeping a brave front.

My darling sayangku was admitted for 4 days this month. I was so worried. I was with him throughout the ordeal. Good to know that he's getting better. Pray that we dont have to go through that again.

I'm doing great. Gaining weight. Growing up is fun.

- Posted using my iPhone

Earn money now!

2010-04-06T12:22:00.000+08:00

Hmmm

2010-03-13T23:19:00.000+08:00

I'm quite busy with work lately. Lots of paperwork. A new project has been handed down to me. A very important task to handle. I hope nothing goes wrong.

Relationship is going on smoothly. Only small miscommunication sometimes.

Pray eberything goes work.

- Posted using my iPhone

Should I? Shouldnt I?

2010-03-07T12:01:00.000+08:00

Sometimes the easiest thing to do is keep quiet amd do your own thing. So many things we can, should or must do to please others.

But what about pleasing oneself? Shouldn't that matter the most in life? We only get one shot to live life to the fullest. Shouldn't we be able to do it according to what we think is best?

For now, I shall keep quiet and take all of the BS without any complaints. But for how long? I'm not sure about that....

- Posted using my iPhone

Emo

2010-02-19T16:58:00.002+08:00

Yes...I'm feeling emo.

Period. 2nd day today. I blame it on that.

Trust. Trust. Trust. Susah nak percaya apabila beberapa kali terkena. So, we just need to trust.

Hopefully the person who has that trust keeps themself in check.

Hello again

2010-02-14T23:34:00.000+08:00

It's been awhile since I've blogged. Nothing much has changed except some development in my personal life.

Work has been the same. Ups n downs. I've been tested in terms of friendship. U realky know who u can count on when things go wrong or in my case when a "friend" is jealous of my "success".

Emotion levels have been on a high for the past week but everything is ok.. So far.

Happy valentine to him n happt CNY to my dear friends...

- Posted using my iPhone

Testing..

2010-02-14T23:23:00.001+08:00

Seeing if this works. Posting via my baby ;)

- Posted using my iPhone

Trust

2010-01-06T14:32:00.000+08:00

Today I was thinking of everything. It’s hard to trust someone, even if it’s a girl because in the past, even the girl lied to me to protect him.

So what’s the point? I just close my eyes and go with the flow.

Wondering

2010-01-02T17:54:00.002+08:00

Wondering if destiny has its own ways....

Sadness before pure joy?
Struggling to survive before merely being a survivor?

Anything for now I take it with a pinch of salt. Opening up my heart but holding on a band-aid (just in case of any wounds)......

Again...

2009-12-15T16:23:00.001+08:00

Again..again....again....

I managed to avoid it.

God, please keep my faith strong. I don't want to do the same mistakes.

Avatar? Yes No?

2009-12-11T16:56:00.001+08:00

I'm still thinking whether to catch the Avatar movie next week. Should I? Shouldn't I?

I want to see it coz my previous employer made a game out of it....Interested to see how it translate onto the big screen and mobile phone....

2009-12-08T17:45:00.001+08:00

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

ORIANTHI - According To You lyrics

2009-11-25T11:32:00.000+08:00

According to you
I’m stupid,
I’m useless,
I can’t do anything right.
According to you
I’m difficult,
hard to please,
forever changing my mind.
I’m a mess in a dress,
can’t show up on time,
even if it would save my life.
According to you. According to you.

But according to him
I’m beautiful,
incredible,
he can’t get me out of his head.
According to him
I’m funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don’t feel like stopping it,
so baby tell me what I got to lose.
He’s into me for everything I’m not,
according to you.

According to you
I’m boring,
I’m moody,
you can’t take me any place.
According to you
I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away.
I’m the girl with the worst attention span;
you’re the boy who puts up with it.
According to you. According to you.

But according to him
I’m beautiful,
incredible,
he can’t get me out of his head.
According to him
I’m funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don’t feel like stopping it,
so baby tell me what I got to lose.
He’s into me for everything I’m not,
according to you.

I need to feel appreciated,
like I’m not hated. oh no
Why can’t you see me through his eyes?
It’s too bad you’re making me dizz-ay

According to me
you’re stupid,
you’re useless,
you can’t do anything right.
But according to him
I’m beautiful,
incredible,
he can’t get me out of his head.
According to him
I’m funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don’t feel like stopping it,
baby tell me what I got to lose.
He’s into me for everything I’m not,
according to you. [you, you]
According to you. [you, you]

According to you
I’m stupid,
I’m useless,
I can’t do anything right

Remember Me Trailer

2009-11-20T12:11:00.000+08:00

Looking forward for this movie:

Remember Me Video by Trailer Park - MySpace Video

I think its from a book that I've once read.

Go away..far far far

2009-11-16T17:14:00.002+08:00

That's my best advice to that girl. I know I was all friendly before but I'm sick of having drama. As long as you have ties with Mr Khalil, I refuse to have any connections with you. Why?

Well, you don't like him (less than how I hate him, I guess) but yet, you take him in like your bosom buddy. I'm not a hypocrite or orang yang bermuka-muka...kalau aku dah tak suka, memang aku cut semua connections. Wait, bukan aku tidak suka...aku tidak RESPECT. Yes, aku dah tidak respect lelaki macam itu. Dulu maybe aku boleh berkawan dengan dia tapi setelah the crap and bullshit (which goes on till now...), I think better I leave him as a past memory....

Since you and him are so buddies now, biarlah aku dengan dunia aku, kawan-kawan aku, family aku. Mereka dah cukup untuk aku bernafas. Mereka banyak menolong aku and they know what bullshit/lies that the idiot is feeding you.

I don't care ok...Tuhan Lebih Mengetahui. So go ahead Mr Khalil...continue your drama and lies....I was there that day but only to see how dramatic you can be...and yes, a coward is a coward.

Enough said.

Allergies and some bad luck

2009-11-11T16:11:00.001+08:00

Last week was the big car wreck.

Now it's my allergies. A moment ago, i spilled curry on my pants...

WHAT ELSE?

From Cameron to KLCC

2009-11-05T16:31:00.002+08:00

Photos are not in sequence. Yes, I can be slightly crazy when I'm with the gediks....

Syukur...

2009-11-05T16:27:00.002+08:00

Blessed...

For all I have. And all I let go.
Yesterday was proof that I've moved on. I quickly smsed Mr LDR after the whole confrontation. He listened with no judgements. He's happy that I'm happy.

Next step: changing my mobile number YET AGAIN..this time it's safe. Mr LDR wants the new number first. U got it baby.....

Ahli Fiqir - Derita Merindu

2009-11-03T17:34:00.000+08:00

L
Kau katakan cinta gunakan akal
Bila aku gunakan, kau yang menyangkal
Bagaimana nak kekal
Kau katakan cinta gunakan minda
Bila aku gunakan
Kau yang tak percaya? bagaimana nak bahagia

P
Maafmu tak bererti, kau mudah sesali
Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri
Manis mulut berjanji terpedaya lagi
Menanti biar terus didustai
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa

L
Dan aku cuba sedaya upaya
Telah ku usaha dengan sepenuh jiwa
Bagaimana hendak ku lupa
bayangan wajahmu selalu di depan mata
harum baumu masih dapat ku hidu
Bagaimana ingin aku membencimu
Jikalau setiap hari merindu
Sekiranya derita merinduimu itu sebenarnya bahagia..
Aku pilih derita..

P
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa
Mungkinkah esok atau lusa walau biarpun lama
Akan ku biar tiada, ku tetap kan setia
Entah bila akan tiba sampai jua harimu yang sama
Esok seperti semalaman yang tak berubah
Kaulah tanda tanya? kau tiada titik noktah
Ku dibuai mimpi lena dikejut igau semula
Kaulah tanda tanya? kau tiada titik noktah
Ku dibuai mimpi lena dikejut igau semula

L
Seandainya kau berada di depan mata
Mudah untuk aku berkata-kata
Supaya dapatku melihat seraut wajahmu
Walaupun belum tentu kau mahu bertemu
Apalagi memandangku
Setelah ku turutkan segala kemahuan kau mainkan perasaan
Begitu mudah kau ucapkan terimalah saja kenyataan?
Aku masih terkilan

P
Maafmu tak bererti, kau mudah sesali
Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri
Manis mulut berjanji terpedaya lagi
Menanti biar terus didustai
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa

L
Jika kau dapat memahami hati seorang perindu
Baru kau tahu derita hatiku
Jika suatu hari nanti giliran kau merindu
Baru kau ingat derita diriku
Segala yang berlaku bukan kemahuanku
Apa gunanya bahgia
Jikalau bahagia bersamamu hanyalah untuk sementara waktu
Aku pilih derita merinduimu

P
Maafmu tak bererti, kau mudah sesali
Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri
Manis mulut berjanji terpedaya lagi
Menanti biar terus didustai
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa

LDR

2009-10-26T16:32:00.002+08:00

LDR...

Am I in one? I would call it that. Hmm, I'm glad I chosen this road.

Long distance relationship...pure bliss for me now.

Amin..doakan yang terbaik

Work...Home...Work..Friend...

2009-10-19T17:07:00.001+08:00

That's my life now. Work work work...

I'm tired. I want to go on holiday. I want the problems to disappear.

I want the prince to be here instead of there...

U've been blocked

2009-10-14T16:17:00.000+08:00

Finally I got the chance to block him...

Ahh...the silence...

Photos update :)

2009-10-12T11:11:00.001+08:00

Cik Nisa, my niece on my bed. I babysit during the evenings. Well, I try to babysit...

My new hairdo. Like or Dislike?

Ayat-ayat suci...

2009-10-08T15:14:00.000+08:00

Hmm, I need to calm down after the previous blog. Lucky I was listening to the "beautiful words". Syukur :)

Annoyed

2009-10-08T14:23:00.001+08:00

I was happy during lunch. The guys said they never knew how annoying I can be. Yes I can be very very annoying. In a good way. We came back to office. I switched on my PC, saw that someone left me an IM.

It was the great MR KAY.

The very presence of his existence annoys me.

"Kau tidak puas annoy aku ke"

Even though, it was just to pass me a website URL. But I'm at the point of no return. I hate you and everything to do with you.

Leave me alone.

And stop saying I was the bitch. I can very much say what you did to me and my family. The debts might go away someday. But the dosa will never be gone.

Broken Friendship

2009-10-07T14:02:00.000+08:00

Why does someone ruin a friendship by hitting on a friend?
For a one night situation. It wasn't worth it.

I was the "friend" being hit on. The situation happened awhile back. I finally thought I should talk about it since it's been playing in my mind for awhile now. It hurts me to have to let go of a friend. He went beyond the usual flirting ways; no one even made a play like that on me before. Hmm....it makes me sad.

I actually shed a tear earlier...

If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda

2009-10-07T12:03:00.002+08:00

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Weight issues...NOT

2009-10-06T12:00:00.000+08:00

Oh god, when is lunch!! I’m so freaking hungry.

My weekends is now limited to raya activities for now. I’m losing weight instead of gaining. I have heard afew comments about my weight; they want me to put on. Why? Well, I’m now thinner than my usual self.

I usually skip breakfast, have lunch (rice or bread), dinner (rice). That’s about it. I do eat a lot; just the stress keeps it off. Damn you stress!!

Kelly Clarkson (Already Gone)

2009-10-05T17:27:00.002+08:00

Been putting this song on the loop:

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die...

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop...

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone

Ahhhh already gone, already gone, already gone
Ahhhh already gone, already gone, already gone

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye...

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on,
So I'm already gone

Find me this guy....

2009-09-29T15:38:00.000+08:00

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her..." -Unknown

Crying till your eyes pops out...

2009-09-25T16:38:00.000+08:00

I spent last night pouring my eyes out. All my stress is gone now.

My strength/endurance meter is now refreshed. I know it was my “gatal” reason to be in that situation. I guess I was comfortable in a very familiar situation/person.
This time it was me who cut the ties. Why? Coz I know I’m better and stronger without “it”. My friends must be annoyed and sick to see me this way but I need to heal and let go on my own terms. So please bear with me.

I really miss my friends; I think of you guys all the time but my situation doesn’t allow me to go out often. My apologies for being ignorant.

Last words: thank you for the sorrows as it has made me stronger. Thank you for the tears that made me see clearer. Thank you for the happy moments as I realized it was me that made me happy. Cheers to that.

Selamat Hari Raya 09

2009-09-23T17:47:00.001+08:00

Selamat hari raya to everyone. Maaf zahir & batin.

Please forgive me for all the wrongs that I caused, directly and indirectly.
May we find peace before the year ends.

May all of us find happiness even in the simplest form of it.
May I forgive and forget.
May I finally let go.
May I stop crying during times of hardship.
May U changed finally with or without me by your side.

Finally may I let myself smile for all times.

Grateful and more....

2009-08-13T16:28:00.001+08:00

I’ve been meaning to blog but work and tiredness got in the way.

It’s amazing how a week passes you by so quickly nowadays. Tomorrow is another Friday. This Saturday is my lepak day with Zura. She’s been listening to my whines and joys for so long now; one of my best friends. Love you to bits babe!
Planning to catch a movie and then lunch. We need serious bonding/gossiping time. Yes, I know that I chat with her almost everyday on YM but it’s different plus the girl is getting hitched soon.

The time when I was engaged, she was complaining that she has no one. Now I’m single and she’s engaged, so now it’s my turn to bitch ok!

Sunday is supposed to be for family only. So I doubt I’ll be going out. Actually it’s the day for me to sleep in, have tons of food and disturb the little ones at home.

Other than work, everything is back in order except some smses/calles from him. Thank you Allah for not making my heart skipped a beat when I “see” his name on my cellphone screen and when I hear his voice on the phone. I’m finally moving on. Thank you for bringing friends into my life and blessing me with a wonderful family. Lastly, thank you for bringing “options” to me; I don’t know what or who is best for me but knowing that I’m not crying inside and outside anymore is something I’m grateful for. Amin

Oh yes, I saw that VonVon has been on the Skytrex. Something I should do too….hmmmm

Getting to know meeee.....

2009-08-07T14:40:00.004+08:00

The RULES:
Bold the statements that are true to you.
Italic the statements that you WISH are true.
Leave the Fibs alone.

The LIST to Bold/Italic/Just-let-it-be:
I don't watch TV these days.
I own lots of magazines.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes. - too much actually
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. - been more sane lately
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm totally smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
I enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone.
I dislike them.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I have no idea what i want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have (more) children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and i like it.
I have dated a close friends's ex.
I am happy at this moment
I'm obsessed with guys (on TV).
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I can work on a car.
I love my job.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever i can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausage.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I don't know why the hell i just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that i work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie.

Baju raya....

2009-08-06T16:04:00.001+08:00

I was to blog on Monday but work has been hectic lately.

New services to launch, new ideas to ponder on…hmm but its all good.

Last weekend was quite productive.

Studied for the test.

Went to the tailor’’s house to get my measurements for my baju kurung. Can’t wait to see it. It's white with pink patterns. I'm going to be very girly for Raya this year.

Hopefully it will turn out great and fit me nicely. Right now, I’m so tried, body is aching.

Could be the period is coming…..sigh.

1 Month

2009-08-03T16:41:00.003+08:00

I've survived one month of finanical torture... :)

Today salary is out but my stupid ATM card is damaged or R*HB said "sorry system down, unable to check what's wrong with you card". URGH, damn your systems! I waited for 30 minutes to get my money manually. It was a pain as i had to rushed back to the office. Luckily I told my head that I would be late after lunch.

Mondays are usually filled with reports, stats, figures...all my least favorite things to do.

Thank god for EXCEL and the database system....

Happy 25th....

2009-07-29T15:00:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was my birthday. 25 years old (young, I mean).

Thank you for the birthday wishes via FB, text and calls. Appreciate it very much. The day was pretty low-key, no one at work knew about it since I’m new there. My family said their usual wishes eary morning. At the stroke of midnight, the smses and calls started pouring it. I however was already sleeping by that time. I never expected anything for this year, so no major disappointments here 

Other than my birthday, work has been good. Learning the ropes. Hoping to be hitting targets..or trying to. Life is back on track, no more migraines (actually getting some due to my flu/fever), room is super-clean and I’m happy. Cheers to the good life….

[edited : 29 July 09 – 4:57pm]

I’ve imported my old blog entries to this blog. Why? I’m not ashamed of my past…..I did nothing wrong.

It was a guy who did me wrong plenty of times. So, putting on a brave face and moving on with my life as normal
To my friends who didn’t know, yes I was indeed engaged for a brief period. I broke it off due to several infidelities
(Simple English: he two-timed me more than once).

But I’m happier now. So cheers everyone

[/edit]

To Have/To Do List Update

2009-07-24T16:16:00.000+08:00

I’ve decided to update my to-do/have list again:

1. Do great in this new position. Still probation….
2. Hit target every month/quarter
3. Get some new working clothes..I think one outfit per month….
4. Get a new phone. Staying true to SE… 
5. Go travel with my girlfriends. I’ve learnt my lesson about this. Long story here.
6. Stable payment to clear of my debts. On-going process here. Wish me luck!
7. Must visit spa again. I miss Sembunyi Spa.
8. Get to know more friends. Why? I really want to push myself to be less shy.

Surprisingly I can only think of 8.
Yes, I have lots of thing to be grateful for. But wait.

9. Ignore stupid people particularly one guy. Must avoid at all cost.
10. Double entry here ===> AVOID HIM

100% Melayu ok....

2009-07-21T17:47:00.002+08:00

1. Bekas kekasih saya adalah :
# orang-orang yang saya tak nak jumpa

2. Saya sedang mendengar :
# Rihanna's Hatin'on the Club

3. Mungkin saya patut:
# menjadi lebih aktif dalam sukan; berenang seperti dulu...

4. Saya suka :
# berjalan-jalan, melancong dan berjumpa dengan kawan

5.Sahabat-sahabat baik saya :
# semua yang saya selalu ingati walaupun saya tak hubungi mereka tetapi mereka adalah "batu asas" saya selain keluargaku

6.Saya tak paham :
# Kenapa ada lelaki (perempuan) yang suka tipu dan suka main kayu tiga/empat/xxxx!

7.Saya kehilangan :
# masa selama 2 tahun lebih kerana "si dia"

8.Ramai yang berkata :
# saya ini nampak kuat tetapi lembut sebenarnya..ya ke?

9.Makna nama saya :
# tak ada maknanya

10.Cinta itu adalah :
# risiko yang tinggi tetapi indah diambil...

11.Di suatu tempat, seseorang sedang :
# teringatkan saya

12.Saya akan cuba :
# Mengurangkan sikap pemalas dan pemarah

13.Ayat SELAMANYA membawa maksud :
# "saya lebih suka mengetahui benda buruk dari awak, daripada ketahuinya dari orang lain atau saya tahu dengan sendiri"

14.Telefon bimbit saya :
# Nokia biasa aja

15.Bila saya terjaga dari tidur :
# Saya akan baring sambil memikirkan apa nak buat

16.Saya paling meluat apabila :
# Ada orang yang suka menipu

17.Pesta/Parti adalah :
# tempat untuk berkawan dan lepaskan stres

18.Haiwan yang paling comel yang saya pernah temui ialah :
# Kucing saya

19.Peringkat umur yang paling menyeronokkan bagi saya ialah :
# semasa di universiti...peringkat kebebasan!

20.Hari ini :
# saya sakit perut sangat tapi gembira dengan kehidupan saya

21.Malam ini saya akan :
# tengok TV sambil bermain dengan si comel-comel di rumah..my "babies"

22.Esok pula saya akan :
# ke tempat kerja

23.Saya betul-betul inginkan :
# kehidupan yang bahagia dan tanpa stres

24.Ketika anda lihat wajah anda di hadapan cermin pagi ini :
# saya sedang meletak krim muka

25.Pusat membeli-belah atau arked permainan :
# membeli-belah, saya kan perempuan

26.Makanan Barat atau Jepun :
# dua-dua ok

27.Bilik yang terang atau gelap :
# bilik yang gelap untuk tidur.

28.Makanan segera adalah :
# kegemaran saya.

29.Ayat terakhir yang anda katakan pada seseorang?
# tolong jangan hubungi saya lagi....

Sentence of the day

2009-07-21T15:06:00.001+08:00

"Each of us wants opportunity, respect, friendship, and understanding." from 1Malaysia website...

...good words...

Being Aware

2009-07-21T14:52:00.001+08:00

Aware of what...aware of one's surroundings.

What’s with the sudden awareness? Well, I have an exam this coming august which I need to prepare myself. So studying some infos on Malaysia, its current issue, etc.

Currently reading on the concept of 1Malaysia. Unity and so on amongst Malaysians..its a good plan but how many of us actually go out of our way to speak to people?
I mean not from one’s own race but from another race. I know back in school, I was considered a snob by certain Malay students coz I had others as friends. Why? It won’t kill you to speak English or whatever. I’m glad I was brought up to be what I am today; I’m open-minded to a certain extent, of course.

How’s the day so far? Its good; chit-chat with colleagues, blogging, ym-ing with Zura..life’s good. No complains.

BTW, I’m happier now. I sleep better now too…good riddance once again. Please pray that he doesn’t come back into my life again. I can only take so much…my “cup” is full..without his crap.

ZEE AVI - I Am Me Once More lyrics

2009-07-20T17:00:00.000+08:00

No, I really don't think so
That you think I'd be incapable of being on my own
No, I really don't think so
That I would for a second let you back in through my door

I have spent many a nights
Even when you are by my side
I shed tears I couldn't dry
I shed tears I couldn't dry

But I should thank you for
Taking my blindfold off now
I ain't jaded no more, no more
And I take pride in being the one that said goodbye
That could only mean I am me, once more

You would turn your head the other way
So you won't have to listen to what I have to say
You assume that I needed you
But you didn't realize that I needed no one but myself
I needed no one but myself

But I should thank you for
Taking my blindfold off now
I ain't jaded no more, no more
And I take pride in being the one that said goodbye
That could only mean I am me, once more

That could only mean I am me, once more
That could only mean I am me, once more

SHA: Yes, I am me once more.

Starting again

2009-07-20T16:55:00.000+08:00

Hello blog, it's been awhile since my last entry.

Why the absence? Needed time to experience life (real life) and I had to really find "me" again. I think I have. I know that I am much stronger now; thank you for being a jerk again and thank you for giving me the chance to get rid of you completely.

Finally, I am with a position at a new place.

(Updated) My list of My Top Ten

2009-05-05T08:32:00.000+08:00

Travel more. Next trip is to Australia (to see cousin, maybe)
Work smart,
Get an ipod or iphone
Buy that Chanel bag I want for ages – see pic below
Go shopping for skirts, dresses, shoes
a regular mobile phone
To maintain weight
Take family out more
Cabinets for room
get enough rest

Why 6 and3 is almost the same? Well, I can't decide whether to buy an iphone or a regular one? I need a good one for work; to test the games and etc....hmmm

Some pics and words....

2009-03-11T12:32:00.000+08:00

Finally I have some time to blog. I'm all alone in the office right now; so why not take the time to blog.

My Phuket trip. It was awesome as I got to hang out with the colleagues. I'll let the photos speak for itself:

The girls of Gxxxxx APAC

Having dinner

I just love this building

On the cruise!

Me cooking...LOL

Phuket on My Mind.....

2009-02-05T13:55:00.000+08:00

Finally 5 more days before I hit the beach. Can't wait.

I need to

get thai baht
get packing
buy sun block lotion/batteries/womenly kit
email technical team about important project

I think that's about it. Happy happy happy.

Oh yes, I met up with another person the other day. Weird how your past keeps popping up. I haven't seen him for like 7 years maybe.....

My Spidey Sense is Telling.......

2009-01-21T15:28:00.000+08:00

It's been awhile since I blogged here.

I've been busy with work. More projects, more deadlines and more stress.

Good thing is I got my bonus this month, and I'm going to Phuket for a company retreat. Looking forward to meet the others. And I also need time away from everything.

Speaking of that, I've been having strange feelings like before again. I think I am right again but I'm not sure of it now. Should I go on with it? Can someone tell me what to do......

Quite confusing situation. Thank god for friends....

Anyone wants this?

Forgotten...not really

2008-12-15T18:49:00.001+08:00

I need to forget..but I'm reminded of it so much this week......

2nd Post of the day...

2008-11-21T17:04:00.000+08:00

Suddenly i feel emo.....listening to Malique feat. Najwa

"...yang nyatanya, telah banyak kita harungadakalanya rasa bebas, kadangkala terkurungkita pernah berpisah dan kembali,berpisah dan kembali"

".....satu fakta, dua penipuan
yang pertama kita ambil, dua buang
kenapa mengeluh? dengar cerita lagi, dah jenuh berkali-kali
komplikasi dalam komunikasi jadi konfrontasi
mulut orang perosak reputasi, pembunuh motivasi
mereka pakar fabrikasi, modifikasidi depan senyum, belakang dengkiyang cemburu mungkin teman kita sendiri
siapa tahu? peduli, kita dah semuanya bersama
dah senang bersama, dah susah pun bersama
ketawa bersama, menangis bersamaku bersumpah harap kita mati pun bersama ke akhirnya"

Fresh from Sentral

2008-11-07T12:06:00.000+08:00

Another hectic week gone by.

Work has been crazy. I barely had enough rest.
Health is fine; except problems with the shoulder.
Friends: Met with Kavin, and some random people.
Family: Sis will give birth on Dec 1st. Pray for her and the baby please.
Others: Sweet R......

Brief update.....jam 12.21pm

2008-10-23T12:20:00.000+08:00

Lots of stuff happened in between right now and the last time I’ve blogged.

See my updated Top Ten To-Do List.

Work is amazing. Family will always have the good/bad moments. Friends are awesome. Guys….which guy again? LOL

Me….I’m happy happy happy and it shows on my face finally!

Muahhh….

Brand New Me

2008-09-08T14:36:00.000+08:00

Why the sudden reappearance of a new blog?

Well, the old blog has gone through alot...you name it..its probably there engraved in cyberspace.

The new blog is just a way to let my friends know that I'm doing fine, hanging in there ok.

With the new chapter of my life, I am back single again; a new job; better health (this is still a working progress), and new friends to enjoy with. I will not dwell on the past but rejoice in the future. I know my future is now brighter without those bad influences in my life. No more lying, no more cheating, no more tears...

A happier Shari..no more Sha ok?!? I can hear Mark laughing now.

I know who are my friends and who supports me. I know that the one person I trusted my future wuth was a fake and I'm better of without having a fraud in my life.

To sum things up, I will be blogging here.

Oh yes, in the words of Duffy....I'll never be your stepping stone!

Stepping Stone by Duffy
I rememeber way back way back when
I said i never wanna see your face again
Cause you were loving yes you were loving somebody else
And i knew oh yes i knew i couldnt control myself
And now they bring you back into my life again And so i put on a face just like your friends
But i think you know oh yes you know whats going on
Cause the feelings in me oh yes in me are burning strong
(Chorus)
But I will never be your stepping stone
Take it all or leave me alone
I will never be your stepping stone
Im standing upright on my own

You used call me up from time to time
And it would be so hard for me not to cross the line
The words of love lay on my lips just like a curse
And i knew oh yes i knew they'd only make it worse
And now you have the nerve to play along
Just like the mistro beats in your song
You get your kicks you get your kicks from playing me
And the less you give the more i want so foolishly
No i will never be your stepping stone
Take it all or leave me alone
I will never be your stepping stone
Im standing upright on my own

Never be your stepping stone
Take it all or leave me alone
I will never be your stepping stone
Im standing upright on my own

~~~~ But in my case, I don't to be yours anymore. Not now, never again!

2008-05-22T12:06:00.000+08:00

I’m currently blogging from the comfort of my tiny cubicle; it’s not very tiny actually. Seems to be due to the printer and tons of paperwork all over the table. Work has been good; the usual ups and downs.

On the family front, Aira is having chickenpox, Aqif is having high fever, Garfield (our cat) is being so manja and Sameir..I’m not so sure about him. I’m pretty much trying to avoid my dad..why? Well, he had actually asked me to make up the guest list and so on for the wedding. But since my dear fiancée; my sayang is so BUSY nowadays…I don’t get a chance to speak to him about this matter. And when we do meet, we are busy doing something else…like watching movie till it slips off my mind. I’m actually getting cold feet or whatever you may call it…sayang, please re-assure me. I know its nothing but nothing is usually something for me. I hope everything will work out fine. I’m pretty confident about the whole thing; but just afraid there will be lots of bumps along the way. Right now, everything is at stalemate

On work front, just about the same as usual. Slightly busy at times.

10 ways to keep myself busy (while my fiancée is too busy)
1. Keep working..working…working
2. Sms, chat and call friends
3. Enjoy family time / nephews / niece / our baby Garfield
4. Shopping (unable to due lack of funds currently)
5. Pamper oneself (just cut my hair)
6. Plan for an event (birthday parties at work)
7. Sleep (when I get bored or depressed or ignored, I usually sleep to avoid confrontations)
8. Watch TV or movies (it helps when one’s fiancée works for a cinema)
9. Ignore certain people; I usually take my temper out on certain people so best to avoid me during these times.
10. Planning to take up a hobby; might start cross-stitching again.

Hehe, making this list kept me busy for about 10 minutes :)

2008-05-07T11:10:00.000+08:00

I've been kind of busy with work. Details need to finalize and so forth.

Oh yes, my wedding day is probably in Dec 08.........

2008-05-02T11:24:00.000+08:00

Got this from Nanie’s Friendster Bulletin Board

Are you in a complicated love situation?
++ NO

Do you hate more than 3 people?
++ Hmmm, at the moment…NO

The last thing you drank?
++ Iced Milo

How many pairs of shoes/sandals do you own?
++ Not many

Favorite genre of music?
++ anything; depending on my mood

Do you like beer?
++ No

Is anyone in love with you?
++ I hope so.

Pepsi or sprite?
++ Coke; K made me an addict to it.

Are you too forgiving?
++ I forgive some people but I don’t forget

Do you like flowers?
++ Not really, no longer special

What did you do last night?
++ hehehe, him. Kidding *winks*

Nick names?
++ sayang, ijan, izan, sha, shari..the list goes on

If you had a super power, what would it be?
++ The ability to know the truth from the lies

Are you thinking about somebody right now?
++ Yes. A few people actually

Ever called somebody Boo?
++ Yes. Back then

Are you happy with your life right now?
++ It could be better

Do you like your eyes?
++ Yes. I know my sayang will laugh at this question. *private joke*

Does anyone like you?
++ I hope so

Last thing you read?
++ Student’s profile report

Are you afraid of the dark?
++ Sometimes

Can you cook?
++ Yes, if I need to

Relationship or one night stands?
++ Right now, looking towards marriage. One that lasts, thank you.

When was the last time you said "i love you"?
++ Quite often, can’t remember.

2008-05-02T10:19:00.000+08:00

Condolences to his family especially my childhood friend, Fauzi.

2008-04-30T12:30:00.000+08:00

at the fish spa

fishy fishy

The Langkawi Trip Our airline ticket

Yes, we are crazy :)

In the plane to Langkawi

I'm afraid of heights. I had the worst chest pains ever. Almost blacked out

Where we have our lunch / dinner

The view from Langkawi's cable car

Finally I can blog whatever I want.

2008-04-29T15:09:00.000+08:00

Its finally private!

2008-04-23T13:13:00.000+08:00

This post will be my last public post. I will make this blog private by next week.

I will only let a few people read it from now on. Why the sudden change in policy? Well, it’s all because my blog has become a way for other people to tell stuff about me and my special one. You know who you are; I don’t appreciate you being two-faced in front of me.

For someone who projects herself as holier-than-others, you are a hypocrite.

My advice is stop spreading lies/rumors/idiotic stories about others when you yourself hate it. Just because things don’t go your way; doesn’t mean I’m the bad person. Everyone has a right to make choices; just your dumb luck that you made wrong ones.

For the other silent readers, thank you for your time.

For my friends, just e-mail me if you want to continue reading my PRIVATE thoughts. I’ll be more than happy to share it with you.

I started this blog as a way to release my stress. I’m better with written words than spoken ones. So, I will not stop blogging…no matter what.

2008-04-17T14:20:00.000+08:00

Over the last weekend, 2 people did something very unbelievable.

A one day trip to Langkawi. All thanks to the convenience of Airasia.

The 2 people arrived in Langkawi around 1pm. Then they rented a car to drive around. First spot of choice to visit was Underwater World. It seems that place was just okay; nothing much to brag about especially the so-called 3D Experience. Next was the famous cable car ride. That got one of them freaked out because of the fear of heights.

The view from that place was breath-taking; so I was told anyway. One of them had a quick lunch up there while the other didn’t. Paid a price for that coz moments later, while doing some trekking up the stairs..almost fainted. After taking lots of pics; did some window-shopping. Drove back to Pantai Cenang for lunch or should I say tea time. Ate at the Laman Padi. Nice place but seems abandoned.

Of course, these 2 people are known to fight in the car over directions. This happened on this trip without any junk food involved this time around. It was a small matter; but it made Person 2 cried without Person 1’s knowledge about it. Next time around, Person 2 will always look at the map ALL THE TIME.

Did some shopping along the pantai; as these 2 people didn’t bring any clothes to change. It was due to the fact that they only decided to fly to Langkawi that same day while in the car; while trying to decide which place to hang out at. They called up the airline hotline but they couldn’t book in time. So one of them just decided to drive all the way to Sepang to check whether they can book it their. Leaving it all to fate; moments later..they were in Langkawi.

They got home around 10plus. Tired, sweaty, sticky but satisfied and amazed with they did.

2008-04-05T11:15:00.000+08:00

♥ JULY = BIG WHORE

Outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. no self control. kind hearted. self confident. loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. easy to get along with and talk to. has an "every thing's peachy" attitude. likes talking and singing. loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. Hatesnot being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be loved. hates studying. in need of "that someone". longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld orrestricted. lives by "no pain no gain" caring. always a suspect. playful. mysterious. "charming" or "beautiful" to everyone. stubborn. curious.independent. strong willed. a fighter.

Got it from Little Miss Kechik

The lack of updates is due to work, being sick and spending time with the family/fiancee. And SHOPPING SPREES! Thanks syg!

2008-03-24T15:28:00.000+08:00

Another week goes by. Work has been hectic due to preparations for the big event next month. I kind of miss doing events like my previous job; the hassle of it all and when the event finally takes place smoothly; I can finally breathe and be proud that I contributed something to the big event.

As for the other side of my life, there have been ups and downs. Whose life isn’t that way right?!? It feels weird (in a good way) to be typing or doing work then suddenly I notice the ring on my finger. I smile every time that happens. Why? Coz his face will pop into my mind and the idea of being someone’s fiancée can be considered mind-bogging for me. Me who vowed never to meet anyone after my ex, me who swear to stay single for life and be an old lady with my friend *you know who you are ok!*…funny how certain events changes everything. With certain things that happened, when I’m alone at home (my parents’ place, of course)…I miss having him around; asking me to get him this and that.

Ahhhh….hectic day at work *pouts*

2008-03-21T09:05:00.000+08:00

Finally everything has settled down. I've made my peace with that person. Without that particular interference, we managed to clear the air on everything. Its amazing how both of us were literally blinded by someone's actions.

I do still feel sad and anger at times when suddenly a memory reappears in my mind but the past can't be changed; I would just need to look forward to the future. I pray it would be a happy and joyful one. I pray that the person changes for the better; as I believe that person can do good. Just don't prove me wrong again.

On a happy note, Hana my former college mate is pregnant. Yippeee for her.

2008-03-18T16:37:00.000+08:00

It is true when they say that when you happy, someone will try to upset you. I was upset but I take it as just another silly moment. I have so many things to be grateful and happy about; so I shouldn’t let anyone spoil my mood.

Yes, I maybe passionate about certain things…who wouldn’t be if they were to be in my position. I’m tired of this all. I just want to enjoy in this moment of happiness.

To the people who think that their actions and words can hurt me, yes you can annoy me but remember, for every evil action/words that comes from you….

Tuhan yang akan balas. Siapa yang aniaya siapa….fikirkan baik buruk diri sebelum buat orang.

I’m not perfect and I don’t want to be perfect….my flaws are what make me unique. Take it or leave it. I have my family, my fiancée and my life…..I don’t even have any bad intetntions towards you.

I’M HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-03-17T15:17:00.000+08:00

My precious from him
From me, his ring
Azam's work
With his mum

The engagement day is finally over.

It’s unbelievable that the day ended just like a dream. It was probably because at the beginning of the month, I had to do so much of prep work and endless arguments with the family and K just to get the day as special as it was.

Saturday was spent rushing around to get things finalized. K also had an interview; which I patiently accompanied him. It took plenty of patience to wait for someone who’s attending an interview. Came home quite late; had to finish the décor for the hantaran. Tidied my room; while thinking how much we’ve been through to get to this day.

The next day….finally……our engagement day! Woke up at 8am, K woke up at 7am…..didn’t realize he sent me a “good morning” sms. Probably to wake me up. Made the last minute attempt to clean my room, and did some house work. I was still in my pajamas when my uncles, aunts and cousins showed up.

I was such a nervous wreck. Got all dolled-up by 11.30am. His family and himself came around 12.20pm. I was sweating bullets by then; excited coz its finally happening. He had to stay outside; he can only come in after the ring is placed on my hand and after all the elders finished their discussion about our wedding details.

His grandma (mum’s side) placed the ring on my “sweet” finger. I was holding back tears at that precise moment; suddenly flashes of all the problems and of course happy moments popped into my mind. After bersalam with the female side of his family, I had to return back to my room…my aunt said it’s not nice for me to wander around the house. Whatever!

I only got to see him through the window of the room. He finally came in to bersalam with my family and for him to eat. I was starving by then. Took some pics with him, his family and so on. Then he left with his family. Was sad to see him leave; because I was so excited that I wanted to just hug him since we didn’t get much to talk that day.

After that, I had my lunch. Took more pics. Cleaned the house. Entertained the guests.

One very special day for me and him. I will keep your promise and I will make sure I keep my end of the promise.

Thanks to my cousin, Lin who did my make-up. Thanks to Azam and friend who froze the special moments with their cameras. Thanks to Nik who did my attire for the day. Thank for Zura who came to comfort me. Thanks to my family for everything. Thanks to his family for accepting me. Thanks to him for sharing his life with me.

2008-03-11T12:52:00.000+08:00

Right now, at a cybercafe with him. He's playing some game while I'm busy blogging and site-hopping.

A few more days to go before the big day. Scared, anxious, confused, excited, every single emotion roll into one. Lately, I've been getting more and more "secrets" out...scary how you think you know someone but the way that person acts is totally different when you are not around.

I've been advised not to go ahead with it by my friends and by his girl"friends". My mum knows the story here and there. K was the one who told her; however he managed to leave all the spicy details out. Just to need to start anew......

2008-03-04T15:01:00.000+08:00

No worries. Everything is fine with him and me. No major illness except the occasional coughing and migraine.

11 days more to go! Before I’m officially tied to him.

2008-02-26T11:51:00.000+08:00

I’m happy and sad at the same time. Happy because the engagement preparations are going on well, so far. Only left his baju melayu to buy right now.

Last Friday was our anniversary. I was kind of sad since we couldn’t see each other that day due to work commitments. But he surprised me by taking me off work for lunch. Then he did his usual surprise by sending flowers to my office. Thanks so much sayang! I appreciate everything you do.

Flowers with a card ~~ Thanx sayang. Muahh

The weekend was spent mostly with him anyway. Had half-day work on Saturday; then went to his place and then to The Curve. Bought some stuff at the street market; a ring for him and bracelet n 2 shirts for me. While on Sunday, it was a day out with mum and aunt. Bought more decorations for the hantarans. I’ll be doing my own décor; wish me luck people! After that, a movie and dinner with K. At dinner, he started asking some annoying questions like “what if I was sick or in a come, would you wait”. He was actually trying to get me to cry. Which I didn’t but I almost did.

Next thing you know, he’s warded at HUKM.

The sad thing is my K is sick. And we have no idea what it is yet. Right now, he’s getting all the necessary check-ups to determine what it is. I couldn’t be with him today coz I took a day off work yesterday so today I have to come in for work. Luckily no pending projects. Spent the whole day yesterday with him at his place; parents were around of course. Slept for an hour or so there coz I didn’t get much rest after hearing that he was warded on Sunday (night). Had lunch, watched TV and went home.

Please pray that everything is fine with him.

2008-02-18T13:32:00.000+08:00

The weekend was spent with good company. Lunch with the boss and colleagues at Zuup (One Utama). It was a private function; a farewell lunch for the boss. Sad to see her go but it’s for the best. Looking forward to meet the new boss soon.

Sometime around evening, something happened. I got attacked by some weirdo. I’m fine except for some cuts on my ankle. Hopefully that idiot is still nursing his “balls” after the kick I gave him.

Sunday was spent with K. I gave him the scrapbook I’ve made. Hopefully you suka ya, sayang. I made it so that whenever you miss me, you can see it and remember all the moments we shared.
Went over to his place coz it’s been awhile since I was there to visit his parents. But by the time I managed to reach there, the folks were out. Only he and his aunt were around. Had breakfast, ironed his shirt, and watched TV while he took his shower.

K trying to show off his skills with the camera
*also to annoy me*

Reached Jalan TAR before the road closure. Lucky us. Managed to get the alas dulang. Very lucky to have found the alas (cloth) that I was looking for. Sayang was a big help in helping me decide. Got out from Jalan TAR just in time; police were everywhere due to the Le’Tour Langkawi Race. It was either Midvalley or One Utama after that. After a few “hmmm” and “uhhhh”, decided to head to Midvalley…more precise was the Gardens.

We were actually on a mission of getting his shirt *one of my hantaran to him* He wanted something from GAP. So GAP it was. Happy that we managed to buy the shirt during the sale. K looks yummy in it. He kept wanting to bring the shirt home; no way ok! Its mine till 16 March 2008. After tired of shopping, we had our usual activity…MAKAN TIME!

We had teppanyaki. His favorite as of late. We both the chicken and additional beef. 2 chicken and 1 beef set..yummy yumyum. We managed to eat all of it. After that, we had problem walking straight. The weird thing was the teppanyaki “chef” was singing and talking to himself while cooking and while busy cleaning up his station. K and I were freaked out over it.

At the car park, he took the time to look through the scrapbook I’ve made. Had some laughs and smiles over some of the photos and words I wrote in it. Good times!

The damage made; that's the outcome!

Drove back to his place to get my car. Decided to lepak at his place for some tea/pau. His folks were at home; with the aunt and his nenek. Shown them the stuff we bought. Everyone including my family *of course* approves of the alas dulang. Happy me!

The muffins are booked, the chocolates are booked and being paid for by my aunt. The only things left to buy are his sejadah, and baju melayu.

2008-02-04T13:52:00.000+08:00

Another weekend gone. It was tiring, fun and full of happy moments.

Watched the movie “Cuci” with K. The movie not-so-bad; I think the seats were packed with movie-goers in the cinema hall we were in. Saw the preview for the horror flick, “Congkak”. I didn’t actually saw anything from the preview; as I had my eyes closed. K is determined to watch that movie with me. Right sayang, I will close my eyes most of the time during the show. Money well-spent.

Bought a top for him. We had our usual donuts at Big Apple; yummy. Wanted to get his shirt for the hantaran but we were too lazy. The drive back to my house was the best. We spent the almost-one-hour drive back home; reminiscing about how we met, the stuff we did, the problems we’ve been through. It was nice and sweet; in the coming weeks will be our first anniversary so we decided to be emo yesterday. I didn’t mind though; as it was nice to see him that way. I was kind of sad when he left; but happy that we were back to the comfort zone; as before.

As the up-coming CNY holidays, we were thinking of making a trip up to Bukit Fraser *AGAIN* Looking forward to it; since every time we go somewhere….there’s always something memorable that will happen.

2008-01-29T12:57:00.000+08:00

honestly?

*Honestly, where u at? At work; on my lunch break.

* Honestly, what's on your mind? I’m so tired!

* Honestly, who are you chatting online with?: Aizura

* Honestly, what is it that you REALLY should be doing right now? Nothing much; just need to design a banner

* Honestly, have you brushed your teeth today? YES!

* Honestly, are you a good friend? I try to be

* Honestly, do you really think going to school is all that important? Yes but you learn more once you’re out of it.

* Honestly, what are your dreams about mostly? Being happy. With him & family.

* Are you HONESTLY single? No, I’m signed, almost sealed..and will be delivered

* Honestly, what are you so happy about right now? That I’m getting engaged soon and my probation period at work is ending!

* Honestly, what are you so sad about right now? Thinking of the past

* Honestly, how old are you now? 24 y/o soon

* Honestly, who are you missing? My sayang and my little ones at home *niece/nephews*

* Honestly, have you ever stole something? Don’t think so

* Honestly, what song are you listening to right now? Some English song

* Honestly, who do you want to meet at this very moment? My sayang

* Honestly, where do you like to be kissed? My sayang knows.

* Honestly, do you hate someone right now? Some girl. Sayang knows who.

* Honestly, who do you wanna hug right now? My sayang and the little ones

* Honestly, are you bored? Kind of

* Honestly, who do you wanna slap right now? That same girl.

2008-01-28T16:59:00.000+08:00

TODAY
How stupid and immature can that girl be? I seriously don’t care what you say and do with your life. For me, you are just one HUGE MISTAKE that happened in his life. Get over it, girl! Why hang on to something that is just upsetting you! You make it sound like you have everything intact now like a new guy or whatever; but clearly by the way you write to me, you are just trying to get revenge.

Please, only a few people can hurt me. And you are definitely not one of them. So, save your energy that you use to type stupid messages to me; put it to better use. Insulting how I look doesn’t help while you looked like a haggard old lady. Enough said.

YESTERDAY
K had lunch at my house. I cooked two dishes; just for him. Then we headed to Shah Alam; with his brand new car. Yippee, my sayang can now drive me around. Met up with the nice lady who will be doing our hantarans. The price that she’s charging is quite reasonable. So, leaving everything up to her creativity.

2008-01-26T10:39:00.000+08:00

I’m at work; trying my best to stay awake. No more late nights for me. I just can’t stop reading the book.

While trying to keep myself awake, I just blog-hop. Going from one’s blog to another to another……Well, you get my point. It’s good to know that most of the problems they’re going through in life are similar to mine. It makes me feel better because I know that I’m not the only one going through some issues in life. Things are getting better; with the family, him and work.

I’m still having my guard up; in case I get hurt again. The trust is there; little by little it’s being re-enforced. I can see that everyone especially him is trying to make an effort to make it better; so I’m making an effort as well.

2008-01-25T13:01:00.000+08:00

How old are you?
I’m 24 this year

Does love mean never having to say you're sorry?
No, people make mistakes.

Is it better to have loved and lost. Than never to have loved at all?
Yes. We need someone eventually

Have you ever fallen in love at first sight?
Attraction; the spark. I usually make judgements on people when I first meet them. It changes after I get to know them better.

Can you tell the difference between infatuation and love?
Depends, I usually know when I have someone special.

Does physical appearance matter when you're in love?
No, but I guess everyone would pick the one who looks the best out of the crowd.

Do you believe opposites attract?
Yes.

Do you have to "work" to stay in love?
Yes, it takes both sides to make it work

If you're in love is it possible to still be attracted to someone else?
In my case, NO. A cute guy is a guy cute..nothing else. Only one guy for me.

Are you currently in love?
Yes

How do you know that you are in love with someone?
When I can stand his “everything”..even though I bitched about it..I’ll still stand by him

Is it possible to "cheat" and still be in love with the person you cheated on?
This question is similar to what I’ve been though. No, I wasn’t the one who cheated.

If your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife ever cheated on you, would you leave him/her?
I thought I would but I looked pass that BIG MISTAKE and trying to move on.

Explain your reason for the above answer
We all have our moments of doing stupid. It depends how long one is being stupid though.

2008-01-24T16:44:00.000+08:00

Barely had a good night’s rest.

Yesterday was a public holiday. yippee.
While K was busy doing his own thing, I was busy shopping with the family at the Curve. Got my kebaya top from Uluwatu. Thanks mum/dad! Headed to Biwani’s where I got the kain for my sarung and my tudung.

The tudung is to be worn on the engagement day. No, I have yet to change myself. Not ready yet. Hopefully K approves of the stuff I got for myself. He is fussier than me. I have so many things to buy….luckily the folks are sponsoring most of it. Most of the items are for my hantaran (gifts) to him.

Thinking of getting a shirt.

2008-01-21T14:27:00.000+08:00

My weekend was interesting. Spent the Saturday with my K and Sunday was “Sha-is-a-housewife” day.

Saturday
Woke up very early in the morning. Couldn’t sleep well due to the shoulder pain. Yes, I know I should get the shoulder checked but I hate doctors! Had my typical morning beverage of Nescafe. Had a “talk” with the parents.

Left home around 10.30am, headed to Jaya Jusco to get donuts for sayang’s family. Headed to Serendah. I was quite excited to see him and the folks because;

1) I miss him so much
2) I wanted to see my kain hantaran *his gifts to me on the engagement day* which was purchased by his mum/grandma at Sarawak
3) I just wanted to see my sayang

Had lunch at his place. Then off to Cineleisure for a movie. Also to find a top for this kain (sarung / sarong) that his mum bought for me. We decided to use that sarong for me to wear on the engagement day. So, we scoped out Uluwatu. Found a really nice kebaya to match it with.

K and I spent our day gawking at Nike shoes. Hehe, since being with me…he developed a very strong liking to the colour brown. Which I got from Evonne back then. Overall, I had a fantastic day with him.

Sunday
Spent the day vacumning, ironing, washing, dusting, folding and you-name-it,i-did-it! See dear, I’m trying to be a good future wife.

Monday (Today)
Ankle/Leg hurts. Period is here. I feel like throwing up *thank god for period; confirmed I won't develop any bumps in a period of 9 months*

2008-01-18T14:33:00.000+08:00

I don’t plan to blog much really.

Just to let my friends know that I’m fine. I’m just stressed over certain matters at home and personal issues. This whole week (month, really) has been one crazy roller coaster ride for me. I hope by end of this month, everything will be fine as usual.

There are just moments when I just need to cry. And there are moments when I just need time to cool down. Thank you for your concern..you know who you are. A true friend of mine.

To my special person, I wish we could be like before. When we first met. I know the stress of everything is getting to us - especially me. But as you know; I'm one degil (stubborn) girl so nothing/NO ONE can get in the way alright, sayang!

2008-01-16T15:15:00.000+08:00

Its true what they say; the closer the date gets..the more f@ck-up things get. Its probably just God’s way to test how strong both of parties are. I seriously hate how things are turning out.

What supposed to be a stress-free day turned out to be one of those “I rather sulk at home” day. I knew something was wrong. I can hear it from your voice and the way you act whenever I asked. No matter how much you hide, somehow someone will know…in this case, it was me. How stupid can I be right? Or were you angry because I found out. It’s not over until that person/her friends/her whatever is out from your life.

*sigh*

I have no respect for that person.

2008-01-15T14:22:00.000+08:00

I’m feeling so sick today. I was actually trembling *I even switched off the air-conditioning in the car* on my way to work today. I managed to arrive safely to work. It’s probably because I’m tired due to working over the weekend. I need some rest badly!

K came over for dinner yesterday. He stayed longer than usual. Surfed the net at my house because his current job doesn’t allow him to browse websites. It was nice to have him around at the house; and it’s been awhile I felt close to him. Especially lately due to some insecurities. The funny thing was I found out he started smoking again yesterday because I smelt ciggies on his hands. No point in denying ok! He can no longer proudly say that he has quit smoking. Yesterday was definitely “I’m-feeling-good-day”

Today is one of the days when I feel kind of down. Probably coz I’m sick and worried about some stuff. Well, it’s probably just another day……………

I have lots of photos to upload but the computer at work doesn’t allow any outside connection by unknown devices. Can’t even install any software *sigh*

2008-01-11T11:44:00.000+08:00

Another day at the office. Nothing much really except I need to be in KLCC around 2pm. Need to set up the booth for tomorrow’s education fair. Yes, it’s that time of the year when colleges, schools and universities are rushing to get students into their respective establishment.

Yesterday’s updates – nothing except we fought, met with K, went for lunch and oh yeah, wasted almost more than an hour listening to this guy talked about his business. Interesting huh? I was pretty much sulking for the whole entire day. Went home to an empty house; watched TV, played the game and ate caramel pudding.

Dinner with friends at Hartamas. Most of them were there with their significant other. So, I managed to secure a seat (or rather a friend who was alone due to his girl going MIA) at the singles table. Slept around 2am. Hence, me now very sleepy.

2008-01-09T15:37:00.000+08:00

I’m having such a bad day at work today and it’s not because of work! I’m having stomach cramps; my period is only next week *I think*

My back is also killing me; feel like crying due to the pain.

[Today’s actual entry]
The above was supposed to be yesterday’s entry. Yesterday, after work..met up with K. In separate cars, both of us drove to my home. Had him over for dinner. It’s been awhile since he’s been at my place. I kind of took serious offence when I found out about him spending more time with that _________’s family rather than mine. It should be *by now* a closed issue but sometimes, it’ll just pop in my mind. Certain issues will just stick in my head and never go away.

Enough of that nonsense. Work today is hectic. Currently on a break. No calls, no emails and no one to bug me. The only thing I need right now is caffeine. I have a sudden craving for it. Damn you, PMS! Craving also for Dominos...yumyum

Oh yeah, tomorrow is a holiday. Yippee….alas, dad has commissioned me to help him rearrange the furniture around the house. Apparently the rearranging of furniture is due to my awaiting engagement day. EKKKKKKKKKKK…can’t wait!

*does her silly dance*

Hehe, hyper me. To a certain tiger (u-know-who), luv you!

2008-01-03T16:17:00.000+08:00

Taken from Vee’s blog.

1) Single, Taken, or Crushing?
- Single yet unavailable. Not even looking at anyone else.

2) Are you happy with that?
- I better be!

3) Would you still kiss your ex?
- NO…K will probably kill me and the ex

4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
- yes, twice. Once last year

5) Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is ok?
- no, I’ve been cheated on and been the one doing the cheating. No good comes from it.

7) Have you ever talked about marriage with another person?
- yup; hopefully by sept 2008 as we’ve (our parents) planned

8) Do you want kids?
- yes i do. According to the other half, by end of this year. NO WAY!

9)How Many?
- Always wanted 4, doesn’t matter boy or girl.

10) Would you consider adoption?
- yes, if we can’t have our own

11) If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
- Yes, but keep in mind..my K would probably hate that person.

12) Do you want someone you can't have?
- No. I have my someone already.

13) Have you fallen in love?
- Yes, this time its for real.

14) Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries...?
- Yes. But everyday should be celebrated

15) Do you believe that you can change for someone?
- I think I have changed in some ways

16) Is it a good day?
- Not really

17) Have you ever broken a heart before?
- I don’t know. Maybe

18) Does your ex still have feelings for you?
- You don’t even want to know.

20) Do you believe in long distance relationship?
- Is Rawang and Pulau Indah considered long distance????

21) Do you think some of your friends will repost this?
- Unlike me, my friends are busy.

2008-01-03T12:52:00.000+08:00

Happy 2008!

I’ve been stressing about all of things lately. No one seems to bother about my impending engagement day. Only my darling brother keeps asking *over and over AGAIN*

Brother : Bila nak kau nak tunang uh? (Translation : When you getting engaged?)

Me : 16 March nanti (no need translation – self-explanatory)

Brother : Kahwin bila? (The wedding day?)

Me : Bila K ada cukup duit! (When K saved up enough money)

And what do you know, my brother ask me the same questions AGAIN this morning and last night!

STRESS! With money woes, planning the day and so much more.

On a lighter note, I’m addicted to playing Pokemon on nephew’s gameboy. Yes K, I know how old I am. Being the cheeky aunt that I am, I named the characters with my nephews/niece’s name.

Today is a busy day at the office for me. 2008’s school term is opened. So tired right now.

2007-12-26T13:59:00.000+08:00

Few days left till 2008! A lot of things happened this year.

1) Moved to a new job; new industry; better environment. No more STRESS! More $$
2) A new addition to the family, my niece Aira
3) Lots of good and bad memories
4) Meeting K
5) Getting pre-engaged

2007 was and still is good. Looking forward to another year! Hopefully it will be as good as 2007..if not better.

2007-12-19T14:11:00.000+08:00

I’m off to Penang later; for Hari Raya Haji. Its been awhile since I’ve been back to Penang..to visit relatives, sight-seeing and of course, makan makan. K thinks I’m gaining weight; I think so myself. Trying to lose afew kilos before our engagement day. Keeping my fingers crossed that my dieting works this time.

Other than weight issues, everything seems ok. I still feel a slight mixture of anger and frustration over that other issue with him. A friend told me to keep a lookout for recurring issues while another told me to take things easy. I’m just taking things on a day to day basis. Sometimes, I get along fine…some days I get a bit suspicious. It is healthy to feel that way, I guess after going through that. Most of my friends are not aware of it; coz I don’t want them to get a bad idea of him. I don’t think anyone should judge someone based on ONE MISTAKE. I know I won’t want to be judged based on that rule. Anyhow, I’ve been feeling weird a couple of days. I need to resolve certain stuff with him and with myself.

Oh right, the stalker is back. How wonderful for my life right now…..sigh

2007-12-18T14:50:00.000+08:00

Back in KL finally. Was in JB for a week; market research. It was tiring; alot of energy gone from the trip. Doing my claims :)

2007-12-09T21:47:00.000+08:00

Numb...swollen eyes...sick to my stomach....unhappy thoughts...that's me right now.

My fairytale almost ended badly today. Everything went crashing down.

Somehow, I feel myself putting up the same wall to protect myself. Mark calls it my method of denying reality..I call it "keeping myself sane" from people who intend to hurt my feelings.

I knew it was bound to happen but I kept thinking it was my own insecurities. I'm not sure whether to be angry, sad or be stronger than before. I now know how ZZ feels; it hurts you so much that you can't think straight but somehow, you want to accept the "wrong doings" and move on with your life. Should I accept? Yes I will but it will take time and alot of trust is out the window.

Don't blame my one night of "nothing" to your months of "many things". I wasn't out for revenge or just wanted to have fun. I did my "nothing" out of my stupidity to think straight. But you; for months, did "many things" consciously and with a purpose.

As I said before, I will stand by you no matter how bad things are. It is time for you to keep your words and promises. No more unanswered calls (unless really have to do), no more "unknown" friends of yours and no more hurting me. I've been through alot and you came in and made me smile again....but it is you that made me cried today. My heart/feelings which you had mended and repaired are back in pieces...all due to your carelessness. It will take lots of time to put the puzzle back but somehow, I'll manage *even on my own*..I've done it before and I can do it again if I need to.

What you hate the most is what you have become. That's the worst I've seen from this episode. I've tried so much to keep myself from doing any wrong but it is you who seems careless now. You want me to be "good" but you don't practice what you preach.

I forgive you but I will never forget your "many things". I will start afresh tomorrow morning; but I will always be reminded of what you are capable of. Don't blame me for doing so since it is you who put the thoughts in my mind.

P/S: This open letter is made by me who doesn't care if anyone gets upset with this. I have a right to write down whatever I want. No apologies are to be made unless it is you apologizing to me for your "errors".

Mark: THANK YOU for being a great friend. You are truly one of a kind..my best friend. I love you to bits for everything. Thanx for keeping me sane tonight