Broken Friendship

Why does someone ruin a friendship by hitting on a friend?
For a one night situation. It wasn't worth it.

I was the "friend" being hit on. The situation happened awhile back. I finally thought I should talk about it since it's been playing in my mind for awhile now. It hurts me to have to let go of a friend. He went beyond the usual flirting ways; no one even made a play like that on me before. Hmm....it makes me sad.

I actually shed a tear earlier...

If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Weight issues...NOT

Oh god, when is lunch!! I’m so freaking hungry.

My weekends is now limited to raya activities for now. I’m losing weight instead of gaining. I have heard afew comments about my weight; they want me to put on. Why? Well, I’m now thinner than my usual self.

I usually skip breakfast, have lunch (rice or bread), dinner (rice). That’s about it. I do eat a lot; just the stress keeps it off. Damn you stress!!

Kelly Clarkson (Already Gone)

Been putting this song on the loop:

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die...

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop...

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone

Ahhhh already gone, already gone, already gone
Ahhhh already gone, already gone, already gone

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye...

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on,
So I'm already gone

Find me this guy....

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her..." -Unknown

Crying till your eyes pops out...

I spent last night pouring my eyes out. All my stress is gone now.

My strength/endurance meter is now refreshed. I know it was my “gatal” reason to be in that situation. I guess I was comfortable in a very familiar situation/person.
This time it was me who cut the ties. Why? Coz I know I’m better and stronger without “it”. My friends must be annoyed and sick to see me this way but I need to heal and let go on my own terms. So please bear with me.

I really miss my friends; I think of you guys all the time but my situation doesn’t allow me to go out often. My apologies for being ignorant.

Last words: thank you for the sorrows as it has made me stronger. Thank you for the tears that made me see clearer. Thank you for the happy moments as I realized it was me that made me happy. Cheers to that.

Selamat Hari Raya 09

Selamat hari raya to everyone. Maaf zahir & batin.

Please forgive me for all the wrongs that I caused, directly and indirectly.
May we find peace before the year ends.

May all of us find happiness even in the simplest form of it.
May I forgive and forget.
May I finally let go.
May I stop crying during times of hardship.
May U changed finally with or without me by your side.

Finally may I let myself smile for all times.