My first post for 2011.
As usual, this blog owner likes to neglect her blog. Until there is something worth blogging about. Now there is something
About a friend who turned into my boyfriend.
I never realised how and when it happened actually. The most important thing is that it did happen. Ben happened
I can only pinpoint that we were and are always close. I mean, I call him up whenever I have issues. He tells me things too. He’s the only guy besides my exes/brothers/father who has ever heard me cry; even if it’s only over the phone. It happened like 2 or 3 months back when he broke up with his then-girlfriend. She had lots of admirers and somehow one of her admirers added me on Facebook. I didn’t know about that when I approved his friend request. This guy started commenting on my wall and sending me DMs. I was surprised when he told me about Ben’s cheating ways but I told him that Ben is a good friend of mine and I refuse to listen to only one side of the story.
When the guy was being funnier than usual, I decided to delete him from my friends’ list. This happened over one weekend.
Next thing I know, a friend of me and Ben’s called. She said that guy posted my details (phone number, where I worked – the building only and my full name). I was shocked. He used my details taken from my Facebook account. I was angry and upset. I immediately called Ben and told him everything. He told me the real story about what happened between him and the ex. I thought it ended there because no one, I mean no insane guys called me after my details were posted online.
That Sunday, I took a nap. Then suddenly, an unknown number kept calling me non-stop. I texted that person asking who but no reply. Then finally I answered. It was the ex’s aunty who called to scold me for no reason. Apparently I somehow managed to ruin the girl’s life. I have no idea what stories were made up about me and the aunty was badly misinformed about the WHOLE situation. She demanded me to tell the truth and all. But I couldn’t because I knew nothing about nothing. Finally I just hang up the phone but the aunty kept on messaging me with threats of my sins in the afterlife. Really, I know how to behave properly ok….I have good parents who taught me well about my religion, good values and good morals.
I called Ben again. Yes, I call him for every major issue. I just realized this fact about 2 days ago.
I was sobbing till I couldn’t breathe. It was that bad. I hate people who point fingers at me. I didn’t even do anything wrong. He calmed me down and he kept saying sorry for putting me into that situation unwillingly. I didn’t blame him for it anyway because he wasn’t the one who said things about me. Then, we texted each other. This is how it REALLY started.
We met each other more during lunch hours. Our offices are within walking distance from each other. So we would have lunch sometimes and other times, I ate with the girls or just by myself. We began to text almost every minute. He asked me out twice over FB. I thought it was just for fun; and I think is was. But we didn’t manage to go out.
The next lunch, he paid. That’s the moment I began to notice something different about him. Yeah, I found him nice when we were still friends. Yeah, I was abit jealous when he had the ex. Yeah; I was pissed when the ex treated him badly. But I thought the feelings were of the friendly nature. I was so wrong…..
That weekend, he was away. Back to his hometown, Ipoh. When he was on his way there, I just called to ask if he reached safely. Yes, I was worried but I didn’t realise at that time. He was still on the road and he said of course he would text me when he reached. We continued to text; but not as often when he was around. I understood that he was with family and I didn’t think much of it. But I have to admit that I miss his smses. We just continued to text like mad. He told me things about feelings, past relationships and stuff. I did the same. It just grew from there. From close friends.
Then if not mistaken, we were talking about relationships and what about us. Then it happened. From a joke of he asking if wanna give it a try (something like that - I can’t really remember for certain) but next thing, we started to call each other mushy names and planning our first date for the next weekend. This was just before Christmas 2010. We had lunch together before that and it was funny because our friends saw us before and they thought we were already a couple when in reality, we weren’t. We seriously were just close friends.
The first date was at The Curve. Lunch and movie. Both were very giggly and excited. Thanks B for a great day. For the first time on a date, I wasn’t super-nervous or awkward. I just felt SAFE and relaxed whenever he’s around. I don’t have to ponder on silly matters like whether I look like an idiot in this or that. He’s really talkative so that made it easier because I tend to keep quite sometimes. Overall, he’s my opposite when I’m not in my crazy and bouncy moods. The next date was on a Monday. He was on leave and I took half day. Went to Midvalley for lunch and just spending time together.
A friend of ours, JJ was around the mall so we called him up for drinks. That’s the first time anyone saw us as a couple. As in holding hands, calling each other by nicknames and etc. He even re-introduced me as his girlfriend. JJ was like “yeah, I knew it for weeks” but we were barely 2 weeks or so. The rest is pretty much the same like any other relationships.
The most important for me is he knows what ACTUALLY happened between me and the infamous EX of mine. Not only he knows the usual story; he knows the REAL truth of why I’m so messed up in life due the EX. No one knows the truth except for my immediate family and Aizura. So, I know he’s special because I don’t open myself out for anyone. I’m open to friends but certain parts of me are only meant for my loved ones. And he’s now included in that short list
I pray that everything goes well. We made a promise to each other. To always work on our relationship no matter what happens. I truly trust him and he does the same towards me.
My 2010 ended with a nice gift from GOD. A close friend turned into my boyfriend.
My 2011 began with a friendship grew stronger. It blossomed into a relationship.
We’ll see how it goes. I believe that our friendship is the strong basis for our relationship. That isn’t something we get and able to find too often in life.
I love you, Benny. From your Sha-Sha.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Thursday, November 4, 2010
awake....
Why am I awake so early? Because of a dream...or is it a nightmare.
In the dream, I was doing usual things. Going out, lunch n dinner with friends, etc...but at every scene, there would be a little boy looking at me. Its abit creepy, dont you think so too?
On another topic, I've decided to stop hoping. Will always have that feeling but not hoping. Guys are all the same. I have baggage too but I've learnt to work through it.
Not saying my baggage is worse but surviving from being almost broke, lied to, disrespected, lost family's trust, losing friends and many more..and moving on from all that. Thats called moving on with life.
I might sulk or whine about it but I deserve it. End of it all, I know who to count on and Sha isn't weak to handle things. Proud to know that.
Its not being pressure by family or the society. I just miss having a relationship. I was good at it despite the moron that I was dating. I love being single but I miss being the girlfriend. Thank god, I have nephews and nieces. They fill up my time. Overall, I just miss that. Things I used to do like surprising bf with a home cooked meal, making the scrapbook, being super-nice to the parents or family, those kind of things.
I hope that one day, someone would see the good in me instead of seeing the drama and chaos that moron left me with.....
In the dream, I was doing usual things. Going out, lunch n dinner with friends, etc...but at every scene, there would be a little boy looking at me. Its abit creepy, dont you think so too?
On another topic, I've decided to stop hoping. Will always have that feeling but not hoping. Guys are all the same. I have baggage too but I've learnt to work through it.
Not saying my baggage is worse but surviving from being almost broke, lied to, disrespected, lost family's trust, losing friends and many more..and moving on from all that. Thats called moving on with life.
I might sulk or whine about it but I deserve it. End of it all, I know who to count on and Sha isn't weak to handle things. Proud to know that.
Its not being pressure by family or the society. I just miss having a relationship. I was good at it despite the moron that I was dating. I love being single but I miss being the girlfriend. Thank god, I have nephews and nieces. They fill up my time. Overall, I just miss that. Things I used to do like surprising bf with a home cooked meal, making the scrapbook, being super-nice to the parents or family, those kind of things.
I hope that one day, someone would see the good in me instead of seeing the drama and chaos that moron left me with.....
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Thursday, October 28, 2010
Work & work...
Hectic week. Work has been crazy. Deadlines, missing contracts, incorrect figures, imbalance accounts. I can’t wait for the weekend; so I can take a break from all of it. This week, work has been my top priority. So, I deserve a good pampering session over the weekend.
On the personal side, nothing at all. Finally. Idiot has gone away *syukur sangat*
On financial side, better now. Happier because of it. Finally in control of everything.
Lesson learnt in both.
As I always say, we don’t need someone to make us happy. We can and should make ourselves HAPPY FIRST. The other person just makes us HAPPIER with their presence.
Sad to say, I’m giving up on that department. If even the next guy comes along, he better be a damn good one coz it will take a miracle to have someone “sweep” me off my feet again. I’m more guarded hence; I have lots of baggage/stories to tell.
That guy would need to know and accept my past. It’s not something I tell to anyone. The only person who really knows is Zura. Others know here and there. I don’t like or feel comfortable talking about it coz it’s something that took a lot for me to handle before. If the person I’m with asks, I would tell and I won’t care if he takes it or not.
The lesson I learnt for the past 3 years is that I can and would always be kind to others but they might not be so kind to me. End of the day: You have your family and friends. Best of all, you have yourself.
Oh yes, still deciding whether to “walk/run” for the Walk for Hunger in Putrajaya. Doing alone seems weird but it’s for a good cause. I could have a write-up on it as well. Hmm…decisions, decisions…
On the personal side, nothing at all. Finally. Idiot has gone away *syukur sangat*
On financial side, better now. Happier because of it. Finally in control of everything.
Lesson learnt in both.
As I always say, we don’t need someone to make us happy. We can and should make ourselves HAPPY FIRST. The other person just makes us HAPPIER with their presence.
Sad to say, I’m giving up on that department. If even the next guy comes along, he better be a damn good one coz it will take a miracle to have someone “sweep” me off my feet again. I’m more guarded hence; I have lots of baggage/stories to tell.
That guy would need to know and accept my past. It’s not something I tell to anyone. The only person who really knows is Zura. Others know here and there. I don’t like or feel comfortable talking about it coz it’s something that took a lot for me to handle before. If the person I’m with asks, I would tell and I won’t care if he takes it or not.
The lesson I learnt for the past 3 years is that I can and would always be kind to others but they might not be so kind to me. End of the day: You have your family and friends. Best of all, you have yourself.
Oh yes, still deciding whether to “walk/run” for the Walk for Hunger in Putrajaya. Doing alone seems weird but it’s for a good cause. I could have a write-up on it as well. Hmm…decisions, decisions…
Monday, October 25, 2010
Grateful
I don't complain anymore about money matters.
Life is so much more than that. "Susah sekarang, agar masa depan lebih cerah..."
Don't complain about things. Take it as a challenge.
If one complains "No money" or "Life sucks" even if one has so much to be grateful for, then I believe that God will make one's life really sucks.
Setiap perkataan yang keluar dari mulut atau hati kita, ia adalah doa atau hajat. So, choose your words/thoughts wisely before you utter and think of them.
Rezeki walaupun sedikit, tetap rezeki. Asalkan ianya halal.
Life is so much more than that. "Susah sekarang, agar masa depan lebih cerah..."
Don't complain about things. Take it as a challenge.
If one complains "No money" or "Life sucks" even if one has so much to be grateful for, then I believe that God will make one's life really sucks.
Setiap perkataan yang keluar dari mulut atau hati kita, ia adalah doa atau hajat. So, choose your words/thoughts wisely before you utter and think of them.
Rezeki walaupun sedikit, tetap rezeki. Asalkan ianya halal.
Feeling more at peace now. Its amazing how every time Idiot messes up my life; new and better opportunities comes my way. I don't find the troubles or problems that I'm facing now as a burden.
Just think it as me, one of the lucky people to have her faith tested over and over. I'm glad that I'm closer to Allah, to my family and my friends. I don't take them for granted anymore. That's the most I like about my life now.
Just think of it as a way to grow myself more. If I could go through those things in the past alone, I'm sure that with the support I'm getting now, it will be just another phase or hurdle for me to overcome.
I know that I was too quick to judge or make conclusions on the other person. For that, I'm sorry. I understood your situation but somehow, "darah muda" got in the way.
Overall, I'm smiling again as usual..and I think the smile will be there for awhile now..if not, permanent :)
Just think it as me, one of the lucky people to have her faith tested over and over. I'm glad that I'm closer to Allah, to my family and my friends. I don't take them for granted anymore. That's the most I like about my life now.
Just think of it as a way to grow myself more. If I could go through those things in the past alone, I'm sure that with the support I'm getting now, it will be just another phase or hurdle for me to overcome.
I know that I was too quick to judge or make conclusions on the other person. For that, I'm sorry. I understood your situation but somehow, "darah muda" got in the way.
Overall, I'm smiling again as usual..and I think the smile will be there for awhile now..if not, permanent :)
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Stronger in some ways...
Wow, it’s been that long since I’ve updated this blog.
Lots of things happened.
I’m back into the media line; slightly different from my first job but I take it as a learning process. I’ll grow from this experience. The work is set on my own pace; since my editorial team is in Singapore. I report directly to the editor who has been very helpful from my first day of work. The good thing about this job is that no direct pressure from anyone. I’ll be away in Singapore soon; for training and meet-up with my SG team.
On the personal front, the door has been slammed shut. We broke up AGAIN. This time, it’s for real. Yes, I know I have said it over and over and over again. But this time, I can’t take it anymore. I’m 26 years old; it’s about time to take a hold on life and focus on more serious things. I understand now why my family disliked us getting back together and why I’m not my usual self when he’s in my life. To say I’m not sad, that would be lying.
Yes, I do feel the hurt and pain of ending a relationship. But it is more sadness towards why did I take him back and why I wasted my time, money and effort to be with someone who didn’t care about me. Why it took so long to make me see his flaws. Alhamdulillah I see it all now….
Thank you to several friends in Uptown 5, my friend in Taylor’s and my family who has been supportive of my decision to let that part of my life go. I appreciate everything you all did for me. The words of encouragement, the hugs, the kisses and much more. Thank you.
I pray that I’ll stay strong. I pray that my life will be the same like 4 years ago; before I was with him. I pray that my future is bright.
Please pray for me to be better in life. I’m trying very hard on my part but without friends and family, I could just break down and cry. Thank you again.
Lots of things happened.
I’m back into the media line; slightly different from my first job but I take it as a learning process. I’ll grow from this experience. The work is set on my own pace; since my editorial team is in Singapore. I report directly to the editor who has been very helpful from my first day of work. The good thing about this job is that no direct pressure from anyone. I’ll be away in Singapore soon; for training and meet-up with my SG team.
On the personal front, the door has been slammed shut. We broke up AGAIN. This time, it’s for real. Yes, I know I have said it over and over and over again. But this time, I can’t take it anymore. I’m 26 years old; it’s about time to take a hold on life and focus on more serious things. I understand now why my family disliked us getting back together and why I’m not my usual self when he’s in my life. To say I’m not sad, that would be lying.
Yes, I do feel the hurt and pain of ending a relationship. But it is more sadness towards why did I take him back and why I wasted my time, money and effort to be with someone who didn’t care about me. Why it took so long to make me see his flaws. Alhamdulillah I see it all now….
Thank you to several friends in Uptown 5, my friend in Taylor’s and my family who has been supportive of my decision to let that part of my life go. I appreciate everything you all did for me. The words of encouragement, the hugs, the kisses and much more. Thank you.
I pray that I’ll stay strong. I pray that my life will be the same like 4 years ago; before I was with him. I pray that my future is bright.
Please pray for me to be better in life. I’m trying very hard on my part but without friends and family, I could just break down and cry. Thank you again.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Updates
Okok. I've been neglecting blogging. Here's some photos to update about my life:
I left for another job. I'm now senior exec at a mobile solutions/content provider. I'm moving up so I'm happy as I'm able to do what I love. Meeting people, going for meetings and learning about new tech, products and so on. Work has been good so far.
Family has been a battlefield. Lots of downs lately but I'm keeping a brave front.
My darling sayangku was admitted for 4 days this month. I was so worried. I was with him throughout the ordeal. Good to know that he's getting better. Pray that we dont have to go through that again.
I'm doing great. Gaining weight. Growing up is fun.
- Posted using my iPhone
I left for another job. I'm now senior exec at a mobile solutions/content provider. I'm moving up so I'm happy as I'm able to do what I love. Meeting people, going for meetings and learning about new tech, products and so on. Work has been good so far.
Family has been a battlefield. Lots of downs lately but I'm keeping a brave front.
My darling sayangku was admitted for 4 days this month. I was so worried. I was with him throughout the ordeal. Good to know that he's getting better. Pray that we dont have to go through that again.
I'm doing great. Gaining weight. Growing up is fun.
- Posted using my iPhone
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