Numb...swollen eyes...sick to my stomach....unhappy thoughts...that's me right now.

My fairytale almost ended badly today. Everything went crashing down.

Somehow, I feel myself putting up the same wall to protect myself. Mark calls it my method of denying reality..I call it "keeping myself sane" from people who intend to hurt my feelings.

I knew it was bound to happen but I kept thinking it was my own insecurities. I'm not sure whether to be angry, sad or be stronger than before. I now know how ZZ feels; it hurts you so much that you can't think straight but somehow, you want to accept the "wrong doings" and move on with your life. Should I accept? Yes I will but it will take time and alot of trust is out the window.

Don't blame my one night of "nothing" to your months of "many things". I wasn't out for revenge or just wanted to have fun. I did my "nothing" out of my stupidity to think straight. But you; for months, did "many things" consciously and with a purpose.

As I said before, I will stand by you no matter how bad things are. It is time for you to keep your words and promises. No more unanswered calls (unless really have to do), no more "unknown" friends of yours and no more hurting me. I've been through alot and you came in and made me smile again....but it is you that made me cried today. My heart/feelings which you had mended and repaired are back in pieces...all due to your carelessness. It will take lots of time to put the puzzle back but somehow, I'll manage *even on my own*..I've done it before and I can do it again if I need to.

What you hate the most is what you have become. That's the worst I've seen from this episode. I've tried so much to keep myself from doing any wrong but it is you who seems careless now. You want me to be "good" but you don't practice what you preach.

I forgive you but I will never forget your "many things". I will start afresh tomorrow morning; but I will always be reminded of what you are capable of. Don't blame me for doing so since it is you who put the thoughts in my mind.

P/S: This open letter is made by me who doesn't care if anyone gets upset with this. I have a right to write down whatever I want. No apologies are to be made unless it is you apologizing to me for your "errors".

Mark: THANK YOU for being a great friend. You are truly one of a kind..my best friend. I love you to bits for everything. Thanx for keeping me sane tonight