I’m off to Penang later; for Hari Raya Haji. Its been awhile since I’ve been back to Penang..to visit relatives, sight-seeing and of course, makan makan. K thinks I’m gaining weight; I think so myself. Trying to lose afew kilos before our engagement day. Keeping my fingers crossed that my dieting works this time.

Other than weight issues, everything seems ok. I still feel a slight mixture of anger and frustration over that other issue with him. A friend told me to keep a lookout for recurring issues while another told me to take things easy. I’m just taking things on a day to day basis. Sometimes, I get along fine…some days I get a bit suspicious. It is healthy to feel that way, I guess after going through that. Most of my friends are not aware of it; coz I don’t want them to get a bad idea of him. I don’t think anyone should judge someone based on ONE MISTAKE. I know I won’t want to be judged based on that rule. Anyhow, I’ve been feeling weird a couple of days. I need to resolve certain stuff with him and with myself.

Oh right, the stalker is back. How wonderful for my life right now…..sigh

Back in KL finally. Was in JB for a week; market research. It was tiring; alot of energy gone from the trip. Doing my claims :)

Numb...swollen eyes...sick to my stomach....unhappy thoughts...that's me right now.

My fairytale almost ended badly today. Everything went crashing down.

Somehow, I feel myself putting up the same wall to protect myself. Mark calls it my method of denying reality..I call it "keeping myself sane" from people who intend to hurt my feelings.

I knew it was bound to happen but I kept thinking it was my own insecurities. I'm not sure whether to be angry, sad or be stronger than before. I now know how ZZ feels; it hurts you so much that you can't think straight but somehow, you want to accept the "wrong doings" and move on with your life. Should I accept? Yes I will but it will take time and alot of trust is out the window.

Don't blame my one night of "nothing" to your months of "many things". I wasn't out for revenge or just wanted to have fun. I did my "nothing" out of my stupidity to think straight. But you; for months, did "many things" consciously and with a purpose.

As I said before, I will stand by you no matter how bad things are. It is time for you to keep your words and promises. No more unanswered calls (unless really have to do), no more "unknown" friends of yours and no more hurting me. I've been through alot and you came in and made me smile again....but it is you that made me cried today. My heart/feelings which you had mended and repaired are back in pieces...all due to your carelessness. It will take lots of time to put the puzzle back but somehow, I'll manage *even on my own*..I've done it before and I can do it again if I need to.

What you hate the most is what you have become. That's the worst I've seen from this episode. I've tried so much to keep myself from doing any wrong but it is you who seems careless now. You want me to be "good" but you don't practice what you preach.

I forgive you but I will never forget your "many things". I will start afresh tomorrow morning; but I will always be reminded of what you are capable of. Don't blame me for doing so since it is you who put the thoughts in my mind.

P/S: This open letter is made by me who doesn't care if anyone gets upset with this. I have a right to write down whatever I want. No apologies are to be made unless it is you apologizing to me for your "errors".

Mark: THANK YOU for being a great friend. You are truly one of a kind..my best friend. I love you to bits for everything. Thanx for keeping me sane tonight

Managed to get some stuff done over the weekend. Made breakfast for him on Sunday at my house; first time for me to wake up early to cook….not even for me but for someone else. Can I get some applause here, people!

Took an unexpected leave of absence from work yesterday. Got my SIM card changed…I can now video call the special someone. No hiding from me anymore; evil laugh. We managed to watch two movies during the weekend; both movies sucked since both had cliff-hanger endings. K said its my fault for picking bad movies; as if syg!

I also found the kebaya that is destined to be my attire for the engagement day. I know the day is a long time off but it doesn't hurt to look right. Anyway, the kebaya is light blue with beadings; slightly see-through. Syg was very worried about the transparency of the cloth. I fell in love with that kebaya while syg fell in love with another white one. So we came to a compromise that we shall get both. However, the price for each kebaya is around RM600...far over my budgeted price. I don't think I'll get the kebayas as its too pricey..oh well, there will be others.

*POUTS*

[update]
Confirmed not getting it. F*cking annoyed at everything!

Recently met up with Evonne and Fiona. K joined in for fun; actually I made him. Over tea/coffee, we updated each other regarding work, life and my up-coming engagement. I managed to freak the girls out because back in uni days, I swore that I’ll probably end up an old grumpy woman since I was confident that no one can make me happy but myself. K proved this wrong.

They were quite worried about the relationship and all. Girls, I’m not getting engaged due to pregnancy! It just feels right; with the right guy. No matter how we fight, we always resolve things quickly. To think that I was so confident about being forever single. Silly me; proves that I sometimes take things too seriously. I’m happy! So, things turned out GREAT for me.

Work has been fairly good. Will be heading down to JB next month. A week or so there for work. Should be interesting. A week without him will be a challenge. Thankfully my new phone can video call!

Been awhile now since I’ve updated the blog. Lots of interesting things happened so far. Quit my job, got a new one. Went for a holiday (treasure hunting). And so much more..I can barely remember what happened last month.

So far, this new job is so much better than my previous one; no deadlines! Colleagues are friendly and helpful *a loud cheer from me* Can’t really reveal much as one does not want to get into trouble with management about one’s blog. Overall, I’m happy with my move here.

As for the treasure hunt/holiday, it was the first get-away trip for me and K. Lots of great moments, a tiny argument over Twisties and lots of wonderful situations as a couple. We went with his colleague, Tina and her boyfriend. The hotel was great; love the beachers *we practically went to most of the beaches in the state*, the prizes were good and the hunt was exciting. See, I can be active when I want to.

4 months or so to our engagement day. Excited.

At work right now. New job requires me to work every alternate Saturdays *for 4 hours* which is ok with me. Pmsing right now; I hate hormonal changes – moody, grumpy, hay-wired Shari.

Me…him...& a ring!

Finally! I’m taking a VERY big step into adulthood. On the 20th Oct 2007, I’m finally being booked *as our matchmaker had said*

Who is the matchmaker…none other than Mark. The lucky guy is of course; my sayang K!

Basically, his side will come over to my house for majlis merisik. Back in the day, its done coz the future bride and groom don’t get to meet each other; you’ll probably get married to a stranger. So the guy side will come over and ask whether “bunga di rumah sudah dipetik” which means whether the girl is promised to anyone yet. By the way, the phrase “bunga di rumah sudah dipetik” is NOT used in actual event OK!

This means K and his family will come over to my house. To ask whether my family is ok with the relationship and so on. Of course, my family already thinks K is part of the family so “merisik” is done only as a part of tradition/custom. We already bought the ring for merisik.

Last Sunday, we bought the engagement rings as well. So we are set.

Merisik…bertunang (engagement)…..berkahwin (marriage).