awake....

Why am I awake so early? Because of a dream...or is it a nightmare.

In the dream, I was doing usual things. Going out, lunch n dinner with friends, etc...but at every scene, there would be a little boy looking at me. Its abit creepy, dont you think so too?

On another topic, I've decided to stop hoping. Will always have that feeling but not hoping. Guys are all the same. I have baggage too but I've learnt to work through it.

Not saying my baggage is worse but surviving from being almost broke, lied to, disrespected, lost family's trust, losing friends and many more..and moving on from all that. Thats called moving on with life.

I might sulk or whine about it but I deserve it. End of it all, I know who to count on and Sha isn't weak to handle things. Proud to know that.

Its not being pressure by family or the society. I just miss having a relationship. I was good at it despite the moron that I was dating. I love being single but I miss being the girlfriend. Thank god, I have nephews and nieces. They fill up my time. Overall, I just miss that. Things I used to do like surprising bf with a home cooked meal, making the scrapbook, being super-nice to the parents or family, those kind of things.

I hope that one day, someone would see the good in me instead of seeing the drama and chaos that moron left me with.....

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Work & work...

Hectic week. Work has been crazy. Deadlines, missing contracts, incorrect figures, imbalance accounts. I can’t wait for the weekend; so I can take a break from all of it. This week, work has been my top priority. So, I deserve a good pampering session over the weekend.

On the personal side, nothing at all. Finally. Idiot has gone away *syukur sangat*
On financial side, better now. Happier because of it. Finally in control of everything.

Lesson learnt in both.

As I always say, we don’t need someone to make us happy. We can and should make ourselves HAPPY FIRST. The other person just makes us HAPPIER with their presence.

Sad to say, I’m giving up on that department. If even the next guy comes along, he better be a damn good one coz it will take a miracle to have someone “sweep” me off my feet again. I’m more guarded hence; I have lots of baggage/stories to tell.

That guy would need to know and accept my past. It’s not something I tell to anyone. The only person who really knows is Zura. Others know here and there. I don’t like or feel comfortable talking about it coz it’s something that took a lot for me to handle before. If the person I’m with asks, I would tell and I won’t care if he takes it or not.

The lesson I learnt for the past 3 years is that I can and would always be kind to others but they might not be so kind to me. End of the day: You have your family and friends. Best of all, you have yourself.

Oh yes, still deciding whether to “walk/run” for the Walk for Hunger in Putrajaya. Doing alone seems weird but it’s for a good cause. I could have a write-up on it as well. Hmm…decisions, decisions…

Grateful

I don't complain anymore about money matters.

Life is so much more than that. "Susah sekarang, agar masa depan lebih cerah..."
Don't complain about things. Take it as a challenge.

If one complains "No money" or "Life sucks" even if one has so much to be grateful for, then I believe that God will make one's life really sucks.
Setiap perkataan yang keluar dari mulut atau hati kita, ia adalah doa atau hajat. So, choose your words/thoughts wisely before you utter and think of them.

Rezeki walaupun sedikit, tetap rezeki. Asalkan ianya halal.

Feeling more at peace now. Its amazing how every time Idiot messes up my life; new and better opportunities comes my way. I don't find the troubles or problems that I'm facing now as a burden.

Just think it as me, one of the lucky people to have her faith tested over and over. I'm glad that I'm closer to Allah, to my family and my friends. I don't take them for granted anymore. That's the most I like about my life now.

Just think of it as a way to grow myself more. If I could go through those things in the past alone, I'm sure that with the support I'm getting now, it will be just another phase or hurdle for me to overcome.

I know that I was too quick to judge or make conclusions on the other person. For that, I'm sorry. I understood your situation but somehow, "darah muda" got in the way.

Overall, I'm smiling again as usual..and I think the smile will be there for awhile now..if not, permanent :)

Stronger in some ways...

Wow, it’s been that long since I’ve updated this blog.

Lots of things happened.

I’m back into the media line; slightly different from my first job but I take it as a learning process. I’ll grow from this experience. The work is set on my own pace; since my editorial team is in Singapore. I report directly to the editor who has been very helpful from my first day of work. The good thing about this job is that no direct pressure from anyone. I’ll be away in Singapore soon; for training and meet-up with my SG team.

On the personal front, the door has been slammed shut. We broke up AGAIN. This time, it’s for real. Yes, I know I have said it over and over and over again. But this time, I can’t take it anymore. I’m 26 years old; it’s about time to take a hold on life and focus on more serious things. I understand now why my family disliked us getting back together and why I’m not my usual self when he’s in my life. To say I’m not sad, that would be lying.

Yes, I do feel the hurt and pain of ending a relationship. But it is more sadness towards why did I take him back and why I wasted my time, money and effort to be with someone who didn’t care about me. Why it took so long to make me see his flaws. Alhamdulillah I see it all now….

Thank you to several friends in Uptown 5, my friend in Taylor’s and my family who has been supportive of my decision to let that part of my life go. I appreciate everything you all did for me. The words of encouragement, the hugs, the kisses and much more. Thank you.

I pray that I’ll stay strong. I pray that my life will be the same like 4 years ago; before I was with him. I pray that my future is bright.

Please pray for me to be better in life. I’m trying very hard on my part but without friends and family, I could just break down and cry. Thank you again.

Updates

Okok. I've been neglecting blogging. Here's some photos to update about my life:



I left for another job. I'm now senior exec at a mobile solutions/content provider. I'm moving up so I'm happy as I'm able to do what I love. Meeting people, going for meetings and learning about new tech, products and so on. Work has been good so far.



Family has been a battlefield. Lots of downs lately but I'm keeping a brave front.



My darling sayangku was admitted for 4 days this month. I was so worried. I was with him throughout the ordeal. Good to know that he's getting better. Pray that we dont have to go through that again.



I'm doing great. Gaining weight. Growing up is fun.

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Earn money now!

Hmmm

I'm quite busy with work lately. Lots of paperwork. A new project has been handed down to me. A very important task to handle. I hope nothing goes wrong.

Relationship is going on smoothly. Only small miscommunication sometimes.

Pray eberything goes work.

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Should I? Shouldnt I?

Sometimes the easiest thing to do is keep quiet amd do your own thing. So many things we can, should or must do to please others.

But what about pleasing oneself? Shouldn't that matter the most in life? We only get one shot to live life to the fullest. Shouldn't we be able to do it according to what we think is best?

For now, I shall keep quiet and take all of the BS without any complaints. But for how long? I'm not sure about that....

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Emo

Yes...I'm feeling emo.

Period. 2nd day today. I blame it on that.

Trust. Trust. Trust. Susah nak percaya apabila beberapa kali terkena. So, we just need to trust.

Hopefully the person who has that trust keeps themself in check.

Hello again

It's been awhile since I've blogged. Nothing much has changed except some development in my personal life.

Work has been the same. Ups n downs. I've been tested in terms of friendship. U realky know who u can count on when things go wrong or in my case when a "friend" is jealous of my "success".

Emotion levels have been on a high for the past week but everything is ok.. So far.

Happy valentine to him n happt CNY to my dear friends...

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Testing..

Seeing if this works. Posting via my baby ;)



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Trust

Today I was thinking of everything. It’s hard to trust someone, even if it’s a girl because in the past, even the girl lied to me to protect him.

So what’s the point? I just close my eyes and go with the flow.

Wondering

Wondering if destiny has its own ways....

Sadness before pure joy?
Struggling to survive before merely being a survivor?

Anything for now I take it with a pinch of salt. Opening up my heart but holding on a band-aid (just in case of any wounds)......